The other day, I received an email from a fellow blogger asking me how I was doing. I didn’t reply, because it was too hard. You see, right now, life sucks, but I’m still managing to find joy around the edges. So this blog post will try to explain a little bit of what is going on, as my Christmas Letter to you.

Don’t you hate those Christmas letters that you get every year? Tom’s work is greatly fulfilling. He was named employee of the year for the third time. As a reward, Tom and Sue were given a trip to some exotic place. Dick and Jane are doing wonderfully in college. Dick is following his father’s footsteps and pursuing a career in whatever. With the kids off in college, Sue has more time to pursue her life long passion as some obscure type of artist, a passion she rediscovered on her trip to the exotic place. It is turning into a lucrative second career for her.

Well, here’s my letter;

I’m still stuck in no where’s land between a career as an IT executive on Wall Street, a career I can’t seem to find my way back to, and a career doing some sort of writing and digital social media, a career I can’t seem to define yet. I’ve landed a few small gigs here and there, which, between that and the retirement account, has kept us from going hungry. I am very thankful for those jobs. However, the lucrative prospects and the fulfilling prospects all seem to fall apart at the last moment, and none of the prospects have been both lucrative and fulfilling.

The worst of Kim’s Lyme disease appears to be gone. She managed to work part time throughout much of 2007 and is hoping to resume full time work in 2008. She still gets fatigued very easily. The new job doesn’t pay much, but has good health care benefits, which is one of our top concerns right now.

We put the house on the market in February. We had potential buyers come along during the summer, but back out a few weeks before the closing. The deposit money that they put down is now tied up in a lawsuit as they try to get it back claiming that the contract on the house was never fully agreed upon. The best offers we’ve gotten have been less than 75% of the appraised price from when we refinanced and don’t even cover the debt we have on the house. With that, we are expecting the banks to foreclose on the house early in 2008 and we will file for bankruptcy.

The girls are doing well, considering the teenage angst they are going through and all the stress that our situation adds upon that. I’ll respect their privacy and spare everyone the details.

Now, it is Christmas Eve. We’ve all been fighting colds. It seems that with all the stress, I just can’t shake my colds, and Kim’s colds seem to linger on after her Lyme disease. I have not watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” this year. I’m not sure if I could take it. It feels a little too close to home. No, you do not need to pray the Clarence will come and dissuade me from doing something rash, but prayers that things might turn around in the coming year would be appreciated.

At church, Kim helped with the pageant. Fiona played the part of a little angel. She appeared to enjoy herself greatly. I sat in the pew and thought back to when Miranda was that age. I remember one Christmas Eve, in the midst of my divorce, when I went to Christmas Eve mass. I sat in the pew, and looked at people who had been close friends for so many years. They all seemed so happy, and I was so miserable. I fled, in a panic and managed to safely find my way home, where I took an Ativan and spoke with friends online that were going through similar struggles.

Yet this evening, in spite of all my troubles, there wasn’t panic or misery. Yes, it hurts horribly that I have not been able to provide Fiona with the same sort of privileges that I provided Mairead and Miranda when they were her age. It hurts horribly that the older ones have had to give up things that matter to them and that I don’t know how I will pay for college for them. It hurts, that to borrow the phrase from the candidate that I’m supporting in the 2008 Presidential election, I’m failing that great moral test, “To give my children a better future than I received.” Yet it was Christmas, and the irrepressible joy of the season came through, and perhaps that is another part of the great moral test, to find joy in happiness amidst hardship.

One online community that I’m part of is a group of psychotherapists. One time, a member of the group made a comment about helping people “rediscover their full capacity for joy.” That is a noble task, and in many ways captures the Christmas experience. Despite all the hardships, unemployment, illness, impending financial collapse, or a trip to Bethlehem and a birth in a manger, the overwhelming joy of Christmas has the potential to help anyone rediscover their full capacity for joy.

So, whether you know this Christmas joy by its name in the Christian tradition, or in other traditions, may you rediscover your full capacity for joy, even when life sucks.

Merry Christmas.