Archive - 2010

June 27th

Evelyn Lull and The Sewing Circle

It wasn’t until my senior year of college that I discovered the works of Virginia Woolf. A few years later, I had the good fortune to hear Angelica Bell Garnett talk at the Metropolitan Museum in New York about her childhood in the Bloomsbury Circle. There was something that resonated with me about her talk. I couldn’t put my finger on it and chocked it up to my fascination with their group.

Yesterday, it became clearer to me. I grew up in a similar circle. No, the Lull’s, Hynes’, Kelly’s, Lamont’s, Johanson’s, Seeley’s, Hatton’s and others were not famous painters, poets, philosophers and novelists the way the Bell’s, Woolf’s, Forester’s and others were, yet there was a lot in common.

Yesterday, remnants of the sewing circle gathered to remember a recently deceased matron of the group, Evelyn Lull. My childhood perceptions of the group are perhaps even less clear than Angelica’s perception of the group she grew up in, so these are my own recollections which may, or may not, relate all that closely to the facts of The Sewing Circle.

In the early sixties, my family and other families moved to Williamstown, MA. The men were engineers, coming to work at Sprague Electric. Sprague was a large capacitor manufacture that made components for industry, the military and NASA. The families of these men became a close knit group, The Sewing Circle. I don’t know how much The Sewing Circle was families whose patriarchs were engineers at Sprague, how much it was of mothers that knew each other from the parent teacher association, friends from church, from Scouting, or other circles. I know that my closest friends of my childhood came from this circle, and I went to school, scouting and church with these friends.

We would gather on summer evenings at one families’ house or another. Mothers would take care of the children of other mothers in the circle. Every so often, the mothers would gather for ‘Sewing Circle’. I remember these days fondly, not so much because of the prospect of being left home with older siblings or a babysitter, but because my mother would bake something special for the ‘Sewing Circle’ and bake an extra goodie for us as well. Tea rings were my favorite.

A couple years ago, Bill Seeley died. Bill was one of the fathers in this circle that had left Sprague to teach in local schools or colleges. Other’s had done the same thing, and these families seemed to survive the best. My father, Evelyn Lull’s husband, and others, stayed at Sprague until things got much worse.

It was America in the late sixties and early seventies. The country was at war. There was turmoil at home. Arts, feminism and pacifism were themes reshaping our society. Friendships were torn by this. Sprague was hit by a strike. Many families were torn apart, especially those of the men that stayed at Sprague.

I don’t know whatever happened between Roger and Evelyn Lull. As best as I can tell, Roger ended up with mental health problems, lost his job at Sprague and got a divorce. We kept going over to the Lull’s house out in the hopper. It was an old farm house by a creek, another one of those idyllic settings where we chased fireflies in the early summer evenings after having played in the hayloft, swum in the stream or jumped on an outdoors trampoline.

Evelyn, like my mother, and many of the other mothers in the sewing circle participated in the fine arts. Besides the fiber arts of knitting and crochet at The Sewing Circle gatherings, they painted, sculpted, and found other ways of expressing themselves artistically. As their families fell apart, they stuck together and supported one another. Evelyn was a special source of strength to many.

At the memorial, Evelyn’s brother-in-law, Mack, spoke of her as an important link in a long line of strong women. In the eighteen hundreds, Ida Stapleton sought to enter divinity school. Her husband was a missionary in Turkey, and she wanted to serve as well. She was denied so she became a medical doctor. Robert and Ida served in Ezroom Turkey during the Armenian genocide. Mack spoke about the strong woman that Ida’s daughter became, and then about Ida’s granddaughter Evelyn.

There were other stories told at the memorial. Stories about eating freshly caught fish for breakfast, alongside blueberry pancakes. People talked about what a great cook Evelyn was, a job she ended up doing professionally at Williams College after her divorce. There were stories about how Evelyn always spoke to everyone as an equal and how this had strongly struck so many children who had always felt talked down to by others. People talked about being taught to paint by Evelyn.

Vanessa Bell’s daughter, Angelica Bell Garnett was born on Christmas Day towards the end of World War I. Evelyn Lull’s daughter, Daphne was also born on Christmas Day, during the cold war. She is now an artist living in Italy. I don’t know if she read E. M. Forster’s Italian novels, but in my mind it is yet another parallel between The Bloomsbury Circle and The Sewing Circle.

Evelyn’s son Cliff now lives in a bucolic setting that echoes my childhood memories out in the hopper. There is a creek on the property that has been dammed up for swimming, a garden, and a house that has received a lot of work.

I also wonder how much I have passed on from Evelyn and The Sewing Circle to my children. The sense of talking to children as peers instead of down to them is something I always carried with me. I’ve taken flack from others for this, but I believe my children have grown up more expressive and better off for this.

At the memorial, a person commented that they always wanted to have their memorial service before they died. They were such interesting times and powerful chances to reconnect with one another. There is something to this. Too often, I’ve been to funerals where people talk about how they haven’t seen one another since the last funeral and they should get together in happier times. At one point, when Fiona was younger, we headed off to a family reunion, and when we explained this to her, she asked, “Who died?”

We need more chances to remember what is important about our families and social circles. We need reunions and celebrations and birthdays and anniversaries. We need the arts to remind us of beauty and things that matter.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

Rest In Peace, Evelyn Lull.

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June 26th

Time Passes

It’s been thirty or forty years since I headed out to Evelyn’s house with my mother and my siblings. Today, I went to Evelyn’s son house to remember her. My memories were those of a kid visiting my mother’s friends. I want to write about this, the childhood memories, mixed with reflections about my mother’s social circle. Yet between the week of limited sleep during Barley’s final days, the last minutes of Barley, the memorial for Evelyn, and the upcoming funeral on Tuesday for my cousin Doug, I don’t have much energy to write.

As I stared at the blank page on the computer, I struggled. Should I skip writing tonight? I try to write at least one piece every day as part of my discipline of writing. I didn’t want to write a throwaway, “I’m too tired to write, more tomorrow”. Nor did I want to write the larger piece that is taking shape in my thoughts.

So, as I sat, the words “Time Passes” came to mind. In Virginia Woolf’s novel “To The Lighthouse”, the second section is “Time Passes”, where Woolf tries to quickly take the reader over several years between the early scenes of planning to go to the lighthouse and not making it, and the final section where they successfully make the voyage.

Perhaps there is something appropriate about this. Perhaps there are parallels between Mrs. Ramsey and Evelyn Lull. Perhaps I will finish my portrait of her tomorrow.

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June 25th

Differentiating between Zoonotic Empathetic Hypochondria, Fatigue, and Anticipatory Grief



Barley, originally uploaded by Aldon.

One of my great psychological defenses is the ability to intellectualize difficult emotional states, and perhaps that is a good way of understanding the title of this blog post.

For the past few days, I have been woken many times at night by the yelps of Barley, our aging chocolate Labrador. She had gotten to the point where she needed help standing up or walking and I would help her go outside or find a different place in the house to rest at all hours of the day and night. I’m pretty tired.

It has been even more difficult for my wife, Kim. Barley was her first baby and Barley was beside her as she went through some of the most difficult times of her life. Barley was also there at some of the most special moments, like when Kim and I first met or when Kim discovered that she was expecting.

Zoonotic refers to a disease that can be transmitted from other vertebrate animals to humans, and zoonotic empathetic hypochondria is a fancy way to describe being worried sick about an animal. Kim was worried sick about Barley. We tried some new medications to see if there were things that would help her feel better and get back on her feet. We had been through this several weeks ago, and Barley made a surprising recovery. Like the previous time, my wife feared that we would be saying farewell to Barley soon.

So, was it zoonotic empathetic hypochondria or was it anticipatory grief? How much longer could we help Barley live a quality life? We found the answer this evening.

The vet checked out Barley. Barley clearly was in pain and the vet suggested we could try some different pain killers. However, she also suggested we might want to Xray Barley to get a better sense of the source of her pain. It could be some sort of soft tissue strain that with some other pain killers and careful attention to her physical needs, we could help her through this time and give her some more quality time. On the other hand, it could be a bone tumor, which would mean there would be little chance for alleviating Barley’s pain.

Despite being old, arthritic and recovering from Lyme disease, Barley was still in fairly good shape, which meant she was also fairly heavy. I carried her to the Xray room. Kim and I walked back to the examination room and waited. Soon the vet walked in with the Xray. Yes, besides some significant arthritis, Barley had a bone tumor. We talked about what this meant and agreed that we needed to end her pain. We signed appropriate forms and the vet gave her a pain killer, and then a strong sedative. Unfortunately, there were no strong sedatives for Kim or I.

Barley no longer feels pain. My wife, my daughter, and various friends and family feel a different pain, the pain of knowing it will be a long time before we are reunited with a well loved dog.

Lady Chocolate Barley Malt, commonly called Barley lived a great life. At dinner, where Kim and I took a more conventional sedative in the form of a stiff drink, we recounted stories of when Barley stole a lobster from a caterer’s truck at a wedding, of how she would bark at horseshoe crabs, of how she was always there to comfort Kim during the most difficult times, similar to how Kim had sat on the floor at the vet’s office and comforted Barley during her last moments on earth.

Yeah, I can use big words and a little humor to help me get through times of grief, but now the anticipatory grief has turned to mourning. Rest In Peace, Barley.

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Follow Friday - #DPAC Recap

@tap11 @tristanwalker @lynneluvah @liveintent @perkyjerky @ckieff @geekychic @motherhoodmag @MaryAnnHalford

Well, I’m back from the Digital Publishing and Advertising Conference. I’ll probably be tweeting a bit less today than I did during the conference. As I often do on Fridays after a conference, I like to write a brief Follow Friday blog post about tweeting from the conference. With Twitterfeed, it will end up as a tweet as well.

Let me start off by mentioning Tap11. They provide ‘Twitter Business Intelligence’. I took a look at their product at the conference and it looks really interesting. As I commented to @ckieff @motherhoodmag @ geekychic during cocktails, I would love to see Tap11 do a spotlight on their product at some future DPAC or Digiday conference. It would be interesting to see which speakers or panels get the most twitter traffic while they are speaking.

Some of this came out of a discussion about spotlight presentations. Several of the spotlight presentations came across a little bit too much as infomercials. They didn’t tell me anything new and excited that would get me engaged. Instead, I surfed the web during some of them, and I noted that Twitter traffic dropped off significantly during the least engaging spotlight sessions.

@tristanwalker from Foursquare was on one of the Local Content Creates Local Ad Sales Streams panel. That panel started off slowly, coming across as a little too much of an infomercial for the various speakers companies. Tristan brought a little bit of life to that panel.

@lynneluvah moderated the panel The Big Shift: Buying Content vs. Audience for Advertisers. This was a panel that had a lot of potential, but just didn’t live up to it, despite Lynne’s efforts.

To me, what makes conferences like this most interesting is what happens on Twitter during the conference. I had problems getting power during part of the day, so I wasn’t as involved in the twitter stream as I would normally be. It seems like future conferences might want to have power sponsors as well as wifi sponsors. provides the power and helps you get connected.

@liveintent was the wifi sponsor, as well as a provider of @perkyjerky, “The worlds first performance enhancing meat snack. Caffeinated Beef Jerky!” With my blood pressure, I figured I’d skip the perkyjerky. Caffeine and I just don’t get along well together.

I’ve met @ckieff and @geekychic at various other conferences and we tweet well together. It was fun to see both of them at DPAC. Joining in the serious conference tweeters were @motherhoodmag and @MaryAnnHalford. I met @motherhoodmag on the way to cocktails and we engaged in some traditional face to face conversation with @ckieff and @geekychic as we waited to get our drinks.

All in all there were some good conversations on Twitter and over cocktails at DPAC.

June 23rd

#DPAC Pregame - Is Targeted Advertising Ready for Prime Time

The other week, I attended Digiday:Target. It was a great conference with a lot of interesting information, but I left wondering if targeted advertising is really ready for prime time. Sure, innovators in large corporations might be able to use it, but what about the rest of us? Today, I will attend the Digital Publishing and Advertising Conference, wondering the same thing.

Before I go into details, let me present a few terms. In a sense, just about all advertising is targeted, just as almost all media is social. Standing in movie line on a Friday night with buddies years ago was a social event. So was sharing sections of the Sunday paper on the beach. Yet social media has come to mean using specific digital tools to connect and share media. The same seems to be the case with targeted advertising. The media buyer deciding whether to buy on television, radio, or in a newspaper was targeting his buy. It was further targeted based on the expected demographics of people that listened to specific stations at specific times, or read specific sections of specific newspapers. Now, targeted advertising seems to be focused on targeting a media buy on specific data that has been gathered from people using the web to hit a specific audience. Typically, this is thought of in terms of more than just targeting based on a search term.

Targeting on search terms is easy. I can go to Google Adwords, target my ad by location, limited demographics and then keywords. I can make my media buy as large or small as I want and I don’t have to deal with all kinds of pesky complications.

Likewise, if I want to get people to like a page on Facebook, I can do some very nice targeted advertising. They give me a choice of cost per click or cost per thousand impressions. They tell me exactly how many people I am targeting. For example, as I write this article, there are 200 adults in Woodbridge, CT that meet my test criteria. These criteria can include or exclude people based on their friendships or likes. This can get pretty powerful if you do something like target adults in Connecticut that like Dogs on Facebook. The problem is that you may want to reach a lot of other people in Connecticut that like dogs but aren’t on Facebook.

Neither of these examples gets to the real power of targeted advertising. Amiad Solomon of Peer39 spoke about semantic advertising. Simple keyword searches do not recognize irony or sarcasm and an advertiser might not want their ad on a site that is very snarky about the advertisers’ products. Peter Fernquist of Collective spoke about a ‘keyhole effect” when you take the intersection of too much data, narrowing down the search too far. Others spoke about measuring the effect of advertising campaigns and being able to adjust campaigns accordingly or of how to use exchanges to get the best price per ad.

Unfortunately, getting started with targeted advertising seems to be much more difficult than placing an ad on Google or Facebook. In the parlance of the conference, I posted a message on Twitter saying that I was interested in buying some ‘audience’ and invited any attendees selling to contact me.

Perhaps no one on the sell side was on Twitter, because I was only approached by one person; someone that worked for a data seller. While the potential buyer of audience needs to understand the quality of the data that is used in buying audience, and may need to be able to make informed decisions about which data to use in buying audience, the data is not something I would want to buy directly. Instead, I would want to go to a site where I can choose data from various sources and make my buy. The woman selling data gave me her personal views about which exchanges and networks were the best, and I later chased a couple of them down. I explained my project and asked for someone to contact me after the conference about how I could get going buying small audiences. So far, the only response I’ve received has been a NDA from one firm. That might work well for very large and sophisticated buyers, but for the average buyer, it is a big hurdle.

So, I will end off with my same request. I want to buy some audience. I would like to make small buys, perhaps lots of them. I would like the process to be as close to self service as possible and I would like to have as much access and control over the data I use as possible. Contact me if you think you can convince me that targeted advertising is ready for prime time.

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