I have known, all my life, that God loves me. God is good.
God loves what God has created. We should be thankful and love God in return. I have known, all my life, that the love I give to God is imperfect, incomplete, and that the love that I show to my neighbor is even more imperfect. When I read the confession, or Psalm 51 about my sin being ever before me, these are the things that I think about.

These are all nice thoughts, a good moral code to live by, yet they are, for me, incomplete. One of the biggest struggles I have right now, is being able to answer the question, why a priest, why not a deacon, or a lay minister? I’ve spent all my life, up until now, trying to convince myself that lay ministry is enough for me. Yet now, I feel that God is calling me to the priesthood. Why?

As we thought about our confessions, our weaknesses, and God’s love, we explored this idea. Being a priest is a horrible responsibility. For me, it is about helping people more fully experience God’s love in their lives. That is a wonderful thing. Yet what if in my own imperfections, I make it more difficult for someone to fully experience God’s love?

While I’m approaching this in my midlife, the words of Jeremiah come to mind

the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am a youth,' Because everywhere I send you, you shall go, And all that I command you, you shall speak. "Do not be afraid of them, For I am with you to deliver you," declares the LORD. Then the LORD stretched out His hand and touched my mouth, and the LORD said to me, "Behold, I have put My words in your mouth”

If God is truly calling me to the priesthood, then God will need to put God’s words in my mouth. I am too imperfect to find these words by myself.

This feels like I’m moving in the right direction, in trying to better understand what God is calling me to, to proclaim God’s love for each us, through words that God has given in scripture, words that God will give whether speaking to someone in the marketplace, or from the pulpit, in actions of feeding to hungry and sheltering the homeless, or actions of sharing the sacraments, making God’s love apparent as outward and visible signs, and speaking, not in my own words, but God’s words in pronouncing blessings.

Is this what God is calling me to? Is this what God will give me words and deeds to do? Please pray for me, share your thoughts with me, that all of us may better understand what God wants from each of us this Lent, and throughout our lives.