Shrove Tuesday. I am still trying to nail down my Lenten Discipline. Last year, I wrote a poem a day. Should I do the same this year? Should I try to tie each poem to the lessons in the lectionary for the day? How much of my current search for discernment should come into my discipline? How much should it be private and personal, and how much should it be online and part of the community. How much action? How much contemplation? Where do Deleuze and Benedict fit in?

This morning, I read Richard Rohr’s email, Learning How to Love where he talked about St. Francis struggling with similar issues. Richard talks about St. Francis asking “Sister Clare and Brother Sylvester to spend some time in prayer about it and then come back and tell him what they thought he should do”.

I shared this in a group on Facebook talking about St. Francis’ discernment committee.

Later, I read Kate Heichler’s blog post Hunger where she talks about the devil tempting Jesus in the wilderness.

It should not surprise us that the Tempter hasn’t changed his tactics much. He still approaches us in those areas where we feel depleted or deprived, where we’re vulnerable to scarcity-thinking, where we can more easily be convinced that we deserve to be full. After all, isn't God the source of abundance and blessing?

Yes - and that is exactly what we need to remember in those times when we’re tempted to take what has not been given us, or manipulate others to give us what we want. It is God who gives in abundance, and we don't need to look elsewhere.

Where do I feel depleted or deprived? Where am I most vulnerable to scarcity-thinking? I worry about how I will continue to support my family during this time of seeking and wherever I am led next. How does my current journey and my current career fit together? Can I keep working in social media but only part time, while also working as a part time priest? My concern is that I’ll end up working full time in both professions.

Scarcity-thinking. Where will I find the time? Where will I find the time for daily meditations and writing? Where will I find the time to do the almost always overwhelming amount of tasks at work? How can I do all of this to my top performance? “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.”

The next blog post I read was Sara Lee Macdonald’s Walk With Me On Our Journey presents : Journaling your Journey beginning now and throughout Lent! Tonight's theme is : Prepare. To what extent will I participate in Sara Lee’s journaling? To what extent will I participate online? Her assignment for today,

Clean out the cobwebs in our spiritual selves and get it ready for Ash Wednesday. This is the annual Carbo Load before we take on tight control of the carbs in our lives.

So, I’ve written this at the end of my devotional time as I move into my morning social media activities, taking a little time form both. Can I continue this sort of schedule without feeling rushed?

I have downloaded a recording of St. Benedict’s Rule of Life which I hope to listen to in the car as I drive to and from work. There are the various books I’m reading for Lent. There are the Discernment Committee meetings.

I am not ready. I don’t feel like I have an abundance of time. Yet, to go back to Kate’s post, this is where I need to rely on God’s abundance.