Archive - 2016
October 29th
The Unimaginable Discernment #Hamilton
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Sat, 10/29/2016 - 17:47The yellow and red leaves of autumn are turning brown and falling. I am exhausted. Four years ago, today, my mother died in a car accident during Hurricane Sandy. It was in the final days of my first campaign for State Representative.
There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
Today, I’m running for State Representative again. It is a low key campaign this time. I reluctantly accepted a minor party nomination, with the agreement that I would not have to do much other than allow my name to be on the ballot. This would give voters a choice, the minor party a chance to keep their name on the ballot, and me a few chances to talk about what is happening in the public sphere.
I was reluctant to run because I knew that even with a full-fledged campaign, which is a lot of work, my chances of getting elected were minimal. I am running against the house minority leader.
I was also reluctant because there was something much bigger going on in my life. I was seeking ordination as an Episcopal priest. Yesterday, I hit a major roadblock.
The moments when you’re in so deep
It feels easier to just swim down
The Hamiltons move uptown
And learn to live with the unimaginable
My quest for ordination has seemed unlikely from the very beginning. I went off to college forty years ago, intending to study religion and become a minister. Money had always been tight in our family, and it was even tighter since my parents were going through a divorce. A high school classmate I had been fond of was brutally murdered during my freshman year and being off in college in a different state, I did not get the opportunity to mourn with my classmates. I had few friends, little support, and my dreams slowly fell apart. I became a philosophy major, dropped out of school and moved to New York City to write poetry. I supported myself writing computer programs, got married, had kids, and forgot my dreams.
In my brokenness and timidity I gave up my shot.
I worked hard, made a good salary, was involved in church, but slowly ennui crept in. My wife left me. I fell apart.
I remarried and my new wife gave birth to our daughter, my third and youngest. We struggled financially, lost our house in foreclosure, went bankrupt and moved to a small rented house near where my wife grew up.
I spend hours in the garden
I walk alone to the store
And it’s quiet uptown
It’s been quiet in Woodbridge. Slowly, I’ve gotten involved in town politics, made friends, and became involved in church again.
I take the children to church on Sunday
A sign of the cross at the door
And I pray
Slowly, I started writing poetry again. I joined a poetry group and share my poems with them and online. I went to a conference on poetry in the church and had deeply religious experience. I felt, more powerfully than anything else in my religious life so far, that God was calling me to ministry, to the ordained priesthood in the Episcopal Church, and I began my journey of discernment.
From the beginning it has seemed unlikely, unimaginable. How could a fifty seven year old college drop-out impoverished son of a Scotsman become a priest in the Episcopal Church? We are doing okay now, living pay check to paycheck with little savings, but the only way it could happen would be if God clears the way.
He is working through the unimaginable
His hair has gone grey. He passes every day
They say he walks the length of the city
…
Can you imagine?
Yesterday, I hit a major roadblock. It appears as if the way has not yet been made clear, and I must find a different path or destination. It has been a rough day. I’ve slept. I’ve written. I’ve walked. I’ve been to the dump. I’ve paused to remember my mother and still I don’t understand.
There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is a grace too powerful to name
We push away what we can never understand
We push away the unimaginable
Election Day is coming up. Afterwards will be the Annual Convention of the Episcopal Church in Connecticut. Advent will come and then Christmas and Epiphany. I will wait. I will listen for God in hopes of getting a new sense of what I am called to. I will confess my sins and seek God’s mercy and forgiveness.
Forgiveness. Can you imagine?
If you see him in the street, walking by her
Side, talking by her side, have pity
They are going through the unimaginable
October 28th
The Portal
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 08:47In a few hours, I will pass through a portal. It is a portal I have thought about all of my adult life. It is a portal that became more clearly visible and approachable for me about a year and a half ago. I do not know what is on the other side of the portal. I may find myself where I started, like T.S. Eliot in the Four Quartets. I may find myself having crossed a threshold that Joseph Campbell talked about.
I expect the crossing to be overwhelming, to emotionally draining. I expect the crossing to change me. I don’t yet know what the path on the other side of the portal will be. Will it be pretty much the same path I’ve been on? Will there be new goals, new tasks?
Update: I have stepped through to portal to find myself disoriented, in a place that seems very similar to where I was as I approached the portal, while at the same time, completely different. The portal appears to have vanished, and stunned, I look around trying to regain my bearings before taking the next step on my journey.
October 25th
The Discernment Monomyth
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Tue, 10/25/2016 - 06:26I’ve long been interested in the Monomyth or Hero’s Journey as an archetypal story. I’ve thought about this story as a framework and way of understanding my own journey’s and especially the spiritual journey I am now on. Was this weekend, and this time of waiting crossing the threshold into adventure? In many ways it feels that way. Yet it feels like the hero myth is very masculine, grown out of patriarchy. I’m also interested in counter-narratives. What are the other narratives we should be hearing?
Fiona is reading the Odyssey in school which fits well into the framework of the monomyth, but Odysseus is not the only character in the Odyssey. What about Penelope? What is her narrative? What does she do while waiting?
What do we do while waiting? The question echoes Waiting for Godot. We could do our exercises. What is the archetypal story of waiting? Perhaps it is a very feminine story. Perhaps it is Penelope’s story. Perhaps it is Mary’s story, especially leading into advent. Perhaps it is the story of waiting and giving birth.
I am waiting to hear from the commission on ministry and the bishops’ words that will shape the next steps in my journey, words that will help shape what or who I am being rebirthed into. My experience with the birthing process is limited. I don’t remember my own birth. If I recall the stories, the labor was easy for my mother and I was born fairly quickly. I stood at the side of my daughters’ mothers and did what I could to assist when my daughters were born. But mine was the story of a supporting character.
In terms of the pains of childbirth, the closest I’ve come has been the pains of kidney stones, which some say is fairly close, yet without the joy and endorphins.
So, what do I do while waiting. I remember reading parts of “What to expect when you’re expecting” when my daughters were born. What is the monomyth version of this? What is the version for those of us in discernment, “What to discern when you’re discerning?” What do we do while waiting?
As I await my rebirthing part of my story, or at least the rebirthing around whether or how I become a postulant, I am skipping forward in the lectionary to the readings of Advent. I am listening to Advent music. I am praying, “Come, Lord Jesus”.
I am reading about the peace of Jerusalem, quietness within her towers. I am reading about beating swords into ploughshares. I am reading about laying aside the works of darkness, and living honorably in the day, not in quarreling and jealousy.
October 23rd
Initial Reflections on the Discernment Weekend
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Mon, 10/24/2016 - 00:03For those of you who are not regular readers of my blog or have missed my recent posts in social media about my spiritual journey, I am aspiring to become an Episcopal priest. It is a long journey. Over the past year and a half, I’ve been praying and seeking discernment on exactly what God is calling me to. This weekend, I went on a discernment retreat with over a dozen other people aspiring to the priesthood as well as the bishops and members of the Commission on Ministry in the Episcopal Church in Connecticut.
It was an intense and wonderful weekend and I’m finally getting a moment to write down some initial reactions to the weekend.
It is tempting to think of this weekend as a long job interview, or perhaps part of the selection process to join some special group. To a certain extent, it may make sense to think of it this way, but I believe this misses something much more important. The discernment weekend, like so many other parts of the discernment process is a beautiful gift. It is a special time together, to help one another gain a clearer sense of how the source of all love wishes us to share that love with one another.
At one point, I spoke with a fellow aspirant about how the weekend was going for him. It seemed like he was struggling. It seemed like to him it was a job interview that wasn’t going well. We talked a little bit about times we’ve interviewed people in a current work. Later, I had the opportunity to share a quote from Winnie the Pooh.
“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.”
I invited him to forget about the job interview and instead wonder what exciting new thing he would learn about himself and God’s love for him today. Later in the day, a member on the Commission on Ministry challenged him to think in a new way about how God was already using him and he had an aha moment. It felt like the Holy Spirit had worked through my words and the words of the priest to help draw my new friend a little closer to God and to each of us.
There wasn’t any one thing that I can point to as an aha moment in my own experience. Perhaps the closest was in a discussion with the bishops when a fellow aspirant who had not been raised Episcopalian talked about her ambivalent relationship to bishops. It led to a great discussion about different ways of being a bishop or priest, what we bring to the role, and what the role brings to us in terms of the institution, our culture, and the expectations others place upon us.
In my mind, I thought of my interest in applying my understanding of Judith Butler’s ideas about performativity to identifying as a Christian in a post-Christendom world, to identifying as an aspirant, and perhaps someday identifying as a priest. I’ve touched on this before, and I expect to come back to this many times in my future writings.
One theme I often return to, and I spent a bit of time talking about this on the retreat is how communications people think about primary tasks. In communications, we should always go back to the mission statement. For Episcopalians, that catechism has this great line:
The mission of the Church is to restore all people to unity with God and each other in Christ.
How would my becoming a priest help the church restore people to unity with God and each other in Christ? It felt like the weekend helped me deepen my thoughts about this as I spoke with various people on this subject.
Yet the weekend wasn’t just about talking about this idea. It was about living out this idea. I came away feeling as if I had been drawn even closer to God. I felt as if I had been drawn closer to others seeking to strengthen their relationship with God. It has been a wonderful experience.
As part of the ordination of a priest in the Episcopal Church, a candidate is asked,
do you believe that you are truly called by God and his Church to this priesthood?
This weekend reaffirmed my belief that I am called by God to the priesthood. Over the coming week, the commission will meet and deliberate on whether they believe that I and the other aspirants might also be called by the Church to the priesthood and if the bishops should invite us to become postulants.
Now, I wait prayerfully to hear what the Spirit is saying to them.
October 22nd
Civic Discourse and the Connecticut Budget
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Sat, 10/22/2016 - 21:13A recent article in the New Haven Register about my campaign for State in Connecticut, Woodbridge resident takes on House Minority Leader Themis Klarides for 3rd time in 114th District, quotes me saying
Hynes said the No. 1 one issue is this: “We have lost civility in our public life. Look what’s going on at the national level. And it’s not just the presidential race. It’s also what’s going on in Congress and in Hartford.’
My opponent is quoted responded
“I wish it were true that civility is the biggest issue. I agree Washington is a mess and with social media being so popular, there is no accountability. In Connecticut, however, we are civil to each other even when we disagree on the issues.”
I wish I could agree with her, but the evidence suggests otherwise. For example, take a look at a recent article in the Connecticut Post from three days earlier, Republicans on deficit: “Something doesn’t smell right.”
That article quotes my opponent saying
“We’re seeing a a [SIC] pattern of not being truthful,” Klarides told reporters in the Capitol complex. “Something doesn’t smell right here.”
The article goes on to quote a member of the Malloy administration saying
In reaction, Chris McClure, spokesman for Malloy, said the Republicans were hyperbolic and displayed “alarming ignorance” on the state budget.
“While we appreciate Sen. Fasano and Rep. Klarides’ attempts to make news and alter the political landscape for their Trump-immolated party, the truth is that writing, passing, and keeping a budget balanced throughout the year requires a lot of hard work and hard decisions,” McClure said.
The article received various comments like
It sounds like they need reliable bookkeepers and for Malloy and Merrill to get out. In fact all of them Nappier especially. These people can't add or subtract. We're being overtaxed every way you turn and they can't get their s**t together
This is not what I consider being civil to one another.
The article about my race quotes my opponent saying
Klarides, R-Derby, calls Hynes “a very nice man” while adding, “Unfortunately, he’s not really aware of the issues in the state of Connecticut.”
The article also quotes my opponents response to my criticism of the Republican part in Connecticut being too cozy with big business saying
Klarides called that statement “ignorant.”
While I disagree with my opponent on many issues, I would not call her, or any of the Republicans I disagree with “ignorant”.
So, why do I believe the lack of civility is the most important issue in politics, both nationally and locally today? Don’t I think things like taxes, the budget, fair wages, access to affordable health care, issues with our education system or our transportation system are more important?
All of these issues are very important. We need to work hard together to find new ways to address these issues. Calling people liars, ignorant, or unpatriotic doesn’t help us work hard together to find new ways to address our common issues. It makes it harder.
It leads us to supporting candidates because they are in the same party as we are. The Connecticut Post article, Repulsed by video, GOP’s top female office holder in Conn. re-evaluates Trump support, quotes my opponent talking about Trump’s sexual assault comments saying,
“This is disgusting,” Klarides said. “This would be embarrassing for a frat boy, let alone a grown man.”
Later, the article says
“When Donald does and says things, he must own them and anybody who supports him must own them,” Klarides said.
So, does my opponent own Trumps comments about women, immigrants, or refugees? The article about my race says
Asked again if she will vote for Trump, Klarides said, “I’m still evaluating. I’m certainly leaning in that direction.”
Going back to my opponent’s comment about my thoughts being “ignorant”, the article says
Klarides and Hynes look at the tax issue through different lenses. Hynes is concerned about the popular attitude “What’s in it for me?”
Hynes added: “People say, ‘Lower the taxes for me.’ They forget about people who are hurt when you do that.”
He also charged Klarides and other state Republicans are “trying to help large businesses at the expense of workers.”
Klarides called that statement “ignorant.”
What didn’t make it into the article from my discussion with the report was the context of my comments about people being concerned about what’s in it for them.
When I spoke with the reporter, I referenced to the quote from President Kennedy’s inaugural address,
“my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.”
I believe we must return to this mindset. I don’t believe quoting this and seeking a return to civility in politics is ignorant. I believe it is what must be done to address many large issues in our state.
I do not believe my opponent is a liar, is ignorant, or is “not really aware of the issues in the state of Connecticut”. Instead, I believe we have fundamentally different views about how to address the state budget and the struggles that all people across our state face on a daily basis.
I urge you to look beyond the rhetoric and question what the real issues and the real solutions are.
