Back in January, as I was preparing for a journalism that matters conference, I wrote my New Year’s resolution on Gather.com, “to help people find their voice”.

Yesterday, I received an email from the folks at gather.com asking “It's almost April . . . do you know where your resolutions are?” Yes, I do. They’ve gone out the window.

Let me explain. The New Year came upon me full of hope. There were plenty of opportunities ahead of me to help people find their voice. Yet as the days turned to weeks and on to months, these opportunities have not materialized into what I had dreamed. Yes. I went to the journalism conference, and it was a great event. I got a chance to blog the Libby trial and it changed me. There are more conferences coming up, but few of the things that I had hoped would happen have. It seems like everywhere I turn, I find a new closed door.

There is an old joke about God and God’s sense of wealth and time. A person says to God, “God, it’s said that a second to you is like a million years” and God says yes. The person then says, “So a penny must be like a million dollars”. God agrees and the person asks, “then, could I have a penny” and God replies, “Sure, just a second.”

That second that seems like an eternity. Lowen and Navarro capture it so well in their song "How Mighty is the Silence" about when Eric Lowen was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig's disease.

The quiet between the flash of light and
the rolling of the thunder
Is like the time it takes a couple of words
to tear your whole world down

You take a breath and it's passed you by
But the moment lasts forever
How mighty is the silence
Hearts break without a sound.

In the Sound of Music, Maria says, “When God Closes a Door, Somewhere He Opens a Window.” Right now, I feel as if I am in that eternal moment between the flash of light and the rolling of the thunder, the moment that seems like an eternity between the closing of a door and the opening of a window.

I worry about how I will manage to pay the next bill and I wonder about how I will be able to help people find their voice, when my own voice seems so unsure at the moment.

Yet I cling on to hope, hope that it will all work out and I will find the right opportunity to help people find their voice. Yes, my New Year’s resolutions are all going out the window. The window that I trust God is opening any moment now, and I simply have to find.

(Cross posted at gather.com)