I’m on a mailing list about Group Psychotherapy. Most of the people on the list are group psychotherapists, but there are a few outliers like myself on the list. One person, whom I assume to be a fellow outlier recently wrote a message talking about losing his job and viewing this as a golden opportunity to discover and respond to his calling.

Perhaps I’m not the best person to respond to his email. I’m not sure that I’ve ever really found my calling, or responded all that well to it. On the other hand, perhaps a calling isn’t something you discover, and stick in your backpack or check off on a list as you travel through life. Got married, had kids, discovered calling …

Instead, perhaps a calling is something like a an ultimate goal, a Holy Grail, something we should be spending our time seeking and what matters is what happens along the way. If that is what a calling is really like, then perhaps I have a few words to say.

First, I must acknowledge that some vocations do look at much more specific callings. When I was young, I struggled with whether I should become a priest or a monk. These vocations look for a very specific calling. Does the applicant have a very strong sense of being called by God? I never had a clear enough sense of calling to pursue those vocations.

One story I remember from my college years was of a professor that took a group of students on a pilgrimage from Paris to Santiago. Afterwards, they went around to describe their experiences at alumni association meetings. At one meeting, an old alumni got up, shock his finger at one of the kids and said, “You know what the problem is with you, you don’t have any goals.”

The young student, who had been deeply affected by the trip smiled, and calmly responded, “But I do have a goal, to live each moment more lovingly and more fully than the previous.”

It seems as if this is a great process oriented calling. It is open to everyone. Even the meanest unloving person can aspire to live each moment more lovingly and more fully than the previous. It still might not be all that loving, but it is a step in the right direction.

I’ve always held onto that story, yet it doesn’t always seem to be all that helpful. What should I be doing if I want to live more fully and more lovingly? Here, I’m going to hop to a different discipline. Recently, I wrote about blogging ethics, where I pointed to the Society of Professional Journalists’ Code of Ethics.

In their section about seeking truth and reporting it, they say that professional journalists should “give voice to the voiceless”. This seems to be a particularly practical approach to living more lovingly. Helping anyone find their voice is incredibly powerful. That is what good journalists do, they help people tell their stories. It is what good teachers do and what good therapists do. I’d even go so far as to say it is what good politicians and advocates do as well.

Yet in all the discussions about finding a calling, an underlying concern is finding a way of supporting oneself. A popular saying is, “follow your dreams and the money will follow”.

Been there, done that, and let me comment on the danger of that. If less money comes in as a result of following ones dreams, perhaps not enough to maintain a currently standard of living, or not quickly enough to avoid some financial difficulties, it is easy to get mired in some sort of feelings of inadequacy. Is there something wrong with my dream? Am I not good enough?

Having been through some very tough times, let me suggest that perhaps some of that is out of confusion about what we really need. Do we need one particular material comfort or another?

I hope most of my readers have followed and at least somewhat agreed with what I’ve had to say so far. However, here, I’m going to talk about one ‘need’ that has been very hard for me to surrender, and perhaps will be even harder for others to let go of, the need to be self-reliant.

I grew up in New England reading Emerson and Thoreau. Self-reliance was always held up as one of the greatest virtues. It wasn’t until much later in life, after various setbacks that I started to learn about the virtue of allowing others to minister to us; within the Christian story, to allow the Lord to wash our feet.

In a couple months, I will turn 50. I’m not sure I’m any closer to discovering my calling than I was when I headed off to college over thirty years ago. But hopefully, just hopefully, I have lived my life fully and lovingly. Hopefully, I have helped someone along the way find their voice. Perhaps, even this blog post will help people on their journey of finding and living their calling.