I have been a member of a mailing list of group psychotherapists for many years and am fascinated by group dynamics as they take place online. A week and a half ago, a member of the list sent an email about Hitler’s Children, a fascinating dialog between children of perpetrators of the holocaust and the children of the survivors. The conversation drifted to The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas and a great discussion on the psychology of conflict resolution. I’ve been pretty busy with other things over the past few weeks, so I’ve only been skimming the emails. However, the recent news about the attack on the flotilla headed towards Gaza brought a new twist to the discussion as psychotherapists from Israel, the United States, Turkey and other countries made efforts to understand what had happened. With this as a background, here is a message I sent to the list.

For the longest time, I've tried to find ways to describe what I do. I've worked with political campaigns helping them generate spin. When I visited my daughter's kindergarten class I described my work as helping people tell stories on computers. I've since refined that to call myself an Internet Raconteur.

It seems like 'spin' is just a slightly cynical word for stories, although, perhaps there is good reason for that little bit of cynicism. As I try to help people tell their stories online, I try to help them find their voice and to speak authentically. This is a very different way of telling stories than current press releases or many of the main stream media stories. Main stream media stories are supposed to feign impersonal objectivity. Yet in doing so, they destroy what make the story real, what makes it come alive, what makes it authentic.

Because of this, I distrust any attempt to find an objective recounting of what happened to the 'Freedom Flotilla'. It might be that someday the clouds of war will lift and we will know the 'truth', but perhaps that doesn't matter so much. Perhaps what matters are the stories of people involved. I have friends that could well have been on that trip. They are idealistic, passionate. They have deep concern for the people of Palestine and what they see as injustices brought upon the Palestinians. Perhaps a few would even have been willing martyrs to bring attention to this grave injustice. I have friends who are the parents of such idealists and I can imagine the shock and horror they have felt as they wonder if similar fates might await their children.

I also have friends who have served with distinction in the Israeli Defense Forces, people who have committed their lives to defending the State of Israel, people who have been torn by their love of peace and their belief that the only way to obtain that peace for their beloved country is through the controlled use of force.

The stories of these people are the authentic stories and the stories we need to hear. They are the stories we need to help other process and understand. They are stories we need to hold as our own. Just like the great story of the King of Denmark, we need to proclaim that we are all idealists on the freedom flotilla and we are all members of the Israeli Defense Forces.

As I think of what happened, the words of Jonathan Donne

Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

To that, I add the words of Walt Whitman,

And you that shall cross from shore to shore years hence, are more to me, and more in my meditations, than you might suppose.