This morning’s Old Testament lesson is Exodus 3:1=15, Moses and the burning bush. We spoke about it Thursday at the discernment committee, mostly in terms of God calling Moses, but in just about every calling story, there is another part of the story, when the called returns to their people. Will the message be accepted? Believed? Heeded?

I’m part of a group on Facebook, where those of us who are seeking discernment share our stories and support one another. It seems like all of us run into stories of people who think they are supposed to become an ordained deacon or priest, only to be rejected by the Commission on Ministry. Many of these people carry deep hurt or bitterness. In the group, people ask, is the process broken?

I commented:

Yes. It seems like mentioning that you are seeking discernment is an invitation for everyone to tell you every horror story possible about the process. I've lost track of how many people have told me their horror stories.

It is broken. It is as broken as the most broken person in the process. Yet it is all filled with grace. It is as full of grace as the most grace filled person in the process.

We are stuck in the middle bring both our brokenness, and our God given grace.

I believe God is calling me to the ordained priesthood. I pray that those who will decide whether to accept me as a postulant arrive at the same feeling.

I expect that such a decision is still months away, and I have to live out what God is calling me to, today. Today, I am a person in the process. I pray that God will use me, in this process to help others in the process and perhaps even, to bring new thoughts and new experiences to the process so it may be more grace filled for others who will go through the process in the future.

One thing I should perhaps clarify, when I speak about the broken people in the process, I am speaking equally about the candidates, as I am of the Bishops and members of the commissions on ministry.

One of the things I’ve been thinking a lot about in the process is what a great responsibility being a priest is. In the celebration and blessing of a marriage, towards the beginning of the service, the celebrant says,

Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.

The couple, and the community are both asked if anyone knows any reason the couple should not be married, and all of this comes after the couple has spent a lot of time speaking with the priest.

A bad marriage can be terrible; how much more so, a bad priest. With the marriage, the priest makes a decision about blessing the marriage. Sometimes, the priest gets it wrong. With becoming a postulant, the bishop, with the advice of a commission on ministry makes the decision. Sometimes, they get it wrong too, both by accepting someone who shouldn’t be or by not accepting someone who should be.

One of the places, where the process is broken, is that it seems like for many, the question being asked is, will the church accept me as a postulant for ordination. This seems to be the framing of the question for both seeking ordination, and for those who will make the decision. I have been fortunate in that my own framing of the question, and those who ultimately will make decisions about my journey are asking instead, “What sort of ministry is God calling Aldon to?” It is my hope that when the discussion comes to whether or not others in positions of authority talk with me about this again, it will continue in this fashion, and should the decision be, “not now”, there will be a good discussion about what should happen now.

Another concern that people bring up is how long the process takes. Given what an important decision it is, this doesn’t seem to bother me as much as it bothers other people. Of course, my process has been going rather smoothly so far. I may have very different feelings if it gets delayed or if I get rejected. Some of my tolerance of the length of the process comes from the fact that I believe I was called back when I was young, and didn’t reply. God has been waiting for me for many years. I can wait for God as long as it takes. I’m also reading the book “Slow Church” right now. I’ve got mixed feelings about the book so far. I wish I would see more about waiting for God in the book. Yet there is an important message in there about slowing things down.

Yet I will note that it is a difficult time being in the process, and I suspect even more difficult as the process drags on. For me, that part of the reason why finding a community of others in similar situations is so important.

And so, I wait, with my fellow seekers, for more clarity, more discernment about what God is calling me to, what God is calling my fellow seekers to. Let us support one another in our journeys.