I am part of an online group of people seeking discernment about God’s call to each one of us. Many of the people in the group have had difficult discernment processes. As I talk about my own experiences, I find more and more people beyond the group who have had difficult processes. One person asked if any of us had things that happened to us that we wish we could help prevent from happening to others. So far, my process has gone pretty smoothly, but I remain vigilant for the bump in the road.

I started to write a comment, but as I thought about it, it seemed like this would be better as a blog post.

Years ago, friends of mine had a child die during childbirth and we all had difficulty processing the grief. Some other friends were folk musicians, and wrote a song about it. "The fallen that has fallen has given up its sweet perfume..."

If I recall the chorus started, "When every yes is answered, with a no not understood..."

Those of us seeking discernment believe we have been called to something beyond what we are currently doing. Often, it includes the belief that we are being called to the ordained priesthood. It is often with great struggle that we get to the point of being able to say “Yes”.

For many of us, e.e. cummings captured this well in his poem which starts

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

In my process, I often talk about experiences I had when I was younger with very devote people convinced of God’s will for them and for others, who would say to me something that started with a phrase like “God told me to tell you that you should … “

How do you respond to something like this? It finally occurred to me that the best response I could give would be something like, “Praise God! Pray that God tells me the same thing.”

To a certain extent those of us in the discernment process may be seen as saying, “God has told us that we are supposed to become priests”, and the discernment process should be answering, “Praise God! Pray that God tells the community and the church leadership the same thing.”

The problem is, the seeker and the church community may not be hearing the same thing, and we run into difficulties.

The discernment manual for the Episcopal Church in Connecticut suggests using Guidelines for Mutuality as part of the process. These guidelines talk about trying on new things, about how it is okay to disagree, and the importance of both/and thinking.

It seems like this is the real challenge that discernment committees and commissions on ministry need to struggle with when answering the seekers yes with a no not understood. How do we help people who feel called to some sort of ministry that we might not believe are called to ordained priesthood to not hear a “no not understood”, but to hear and accept disagreement, a call to try on something new, a “yes, God is calling you to something special,. Let’s work together to find it, even if it doesn’t include ordination.”

I know that my path is different from that of so many others exploring ordination for many different reasons. We are all seeking to serve in a changing church in a changing world. I look forward to exploring what might be down that path, whether or not it leads to ordination, and I hope that my experiences can be helpful to others, no matter what comes after that initial “Yes!”