Journey
This is about my spiritual journey and trying to find what God is calling me to next.
Rest, and Upcoming Events
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Thu, 03/31/2016 - 06:59I was hoping that the week after Easter would provide opportunities to rest and catch up a little. There are so many blog ideas in the back of my mind that I need to write, and so many upcoming events. Yet I’ve ended up with four meetings after work this week, some events I couldn’t make because of double booking, and Saturday I’m heading off to another event, while missing a second. As an aside, the weekend before Holy Week, I missed several events because of double or triple booking as well as because of my kidney stone.
On Saturday, I should be at a poetry group in the morning. Right now, I should be working on a poem for that group. Unfortunately, I’ll miss it, as well as their next big event. Instead, I’ll be going to Podcamp Western Mass. This is one of the longest continuously running Podcamps, and I think I’ve been to everyone, but I can’t remember for sure.
Podcamps are ‘unconferences’ originally around podcasting. These days, they tend to focus on all aspects of social media. As an unconference, there is no clear set agenda. People bring their ideas, their topics, then on a large grid on a wall they select rooms and times to get together to talk about the topics they are interested in. It is a great way for people to become more acquainted with social media, and there are often topics like Twitter 101. There are also topics that can get fairly esoteric. I try to go partly to learn new things and partly to give back to the community. I never know who will be there or what topics will catch my attention. Currently, I’m thinking about communities online as they related to learning, creativity, spirituality, and politics. I’d love to hear some of your thoughts about topics you’d be interested in at an unconference.
Then, in two weeks are two different conferences on my radar. One is the#WhatIMake conference. I’ve written a little bit about this earlier, and if I had more time I would dig out some quotes from Elizabeth Gilbert’s interview with Brene Brown which I mentioned yesterday, which are one of the best explanations about why #WhatIMake is such an important conference to go to.
Unfortunately there is another conference which is also very important to me taking place at the same time. Misisonal Voices is taking place at Virginia Theological Seminary.
A conversation about innovative ministries and missional communities in The Episcopal Church.
In my mind, this conference has a lot in common with Podcamp and WhatIMake, which very direct implications for the next few twists and turns on my spiritual journey. I am hoping it will be about creativity and innovation; about being a maker. I am hoping that I will arrive, not knowing what I will get out of it, and leaving surprised with new thoughts and ideas.
I’m thinking of listening to Podcasts on creativity on my drive down. I’ve been listening to Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcasts during my commute this week. I’m considering staying at a hostel on my journey back, for several reasons.
But now, I’ve already spent more time than I really have writing this blog post and I need to get on with the rest of the day.
The Great Easter Vigil
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Mon, 03/28/2016 - 06:04Saturday evening before Easter Sunday our church celebrates an Easter Vigil. The Vigil starts a fire from which we light the Paschal Candle. I went to church early on Holy Saturday, to attend choir rehearsals and then a funeral. I ended up forgetting to bring our fire pit which the fire would be lit in.
After the funeral, I spoke with the priest and apologized for forgetting it. I asked when I should bring it. She responded, “At least an hour before the service”. Wanting to not add to the any anxiety or complicate the final preparations for the service I showed up an hour and a half before the service.
Inside the sanctuary, it was still dark. The altar was unadorned, but odor of Easter lilies wafted in from the wings. I knew it was going to be a long yet beautiful service. Spending an hour and a half in quiet preparation seemed like a long time. Yet it also felt very alluring.
I sat briefly and thought of those times, early in a romance, of waiting for my beloved. While there was a longing for the physical presence there was also something incredibly beautiful about the waiting. Yet I thought it would be good if I got outside and walked a little bit before settling into the long evening, especially considering my health.
Down the street there is a library and a playground. There are also portals in the augmented reality game, Ingress that I play. I headed over to the playground and saw a family taking a picture. There was no one else around so the man was taking the pictures. I got out of the car and offered to take pictures so he could be in them. The lighting wasn’t the best, but I took some pictures and they were appreciative.
Afterwards, I headed up to the little park on the other side of the church. I saw that there was a new Ingress player in the area and I sent him a message. He stopped by and I gave him some Ingress supplies and talked briefly. Then I headed back to the church.
As I sat quietly, the priest along with others who would be helping in the service entered the sanctuary. They discussed the logistics for the service. It would not be the typical service. There would be the fire, candles, lots of readings and hymns, a renewal of baptismal vows, and then the great noise and the altar being transformed. For me, the feeling went from waiting quietly for the arrival of the beloved to a time of preparation.
The service, when it started, went along well. I read The Valley of Dry Bones, and I thought about how, in many ways, my spiritual life had been a valley of dry bones. There had been times of going to church out of habit, or not even going at all. Times when it felt like I was going to church because it was something I was supposed to, like going to the office each day.
Yet after the guided meditation at a poetry conference close to a year ago, my relationship with the God of Love bloomed. Things started connecting, like bone to its bone. Sinews of a new, deeper faith began appearing.
After the readings came the renewal of baptismal vows.
“Will you proclaim by word and example the Good News of God in Christ? Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself?”
This great love from God that we had been waiting for, preparing for, will you show that love to your neighbors? That is what I’ve felt called to over this past year. That is what I’ve been spending time trying to discern how God wants me to share it in new deeper ways.
“I will, with God's help.”
The priest and acolytes then proceeded into the congregation splashing us all with holy water. She seemed particularly joyful about giving me a good dousing with the holy water and it was part of our shared Easter joy.
Since I had been in the church as the priest prepared for the service, I was called into action, to help remove the cover over the altar, revealing it in its glory, and to help move the Easter lilies into place around the baptismal font and the altar.
It was a wonderful service, full of God’s love, peace, and joy which I hope to carry with me as I return to the struggles of daily life.
In my neighboring town, adults fought over Easter eggs. In Pakistan terrorists targeted Christians celebrating Easter. God’s love, a love which conquers death, is sorely needed. Will I be able to proclaim it, to show it to my neighbors?
“I will, with God's help.”
Morning Prayer - Tuesday of Holy Week
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Tue, 03/22/2016 - 05:56I have a kidney stone I am hoping to pass with a little pain as possible. The pain has ebbed and flowed. Often, including right now, it is minimal. At other points, I have been doubled over in pain. It is a sharp pain in my right side and as we enter Holy Week, I’ve been thinking about the physical pain that Jesus must have suffered. I can barely stand the pain that I have.
I am drinking as much fluids as I can to try and help the stone pass. I don’t know when it shall pass. Perhaps today, perhaps not for weeks. Perhaps it will pass with minimal pain. Perhaps the time of passing will be great pain. As I wait, both for the stone to pass, as well as I seek to walk with Jesus on the way of the Cross this week, I play on Youtube, Stay With Me – Taize.
I finish one glass of fluids and move on to the next. At home, I drink mostly very diluted pomegranate juice. The splash of juice makes it easier to drink more fluids and perhaps provides some additional benefits. For Lent, I’ve been getting up early to read the lessons for the day and pray.
It is a special time spent with the God of love, but it is a time or remembering God’s suffering. It can be challenging to stay focused, to stay in the presence of God, and not just doing a morning ritual, like the rituals performed by money changers in the temple. It can be difficult to stay in the presence of God thinking about the great suffering of the crucifixion.
So I try to mix things up. I try to tie my morning devotions as closely to the rest of my life as possible. This morning, I start off with the collect for the day.
O God, by the passion of your blessed Son you made an instrument of shameful death to be for us the means of life: Grant us so to glory in the cross of Christ, that we may gladly suffer shame and loss for the sake of your Son our Savior Jesus Christ; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
That is hard to pray. I move on to reading through posts in a Facebook group of Episcopalians online.
There are so many prayer requests. Prayers of God’s people. So much suffering. I pray for a person who has a very stressful meeting at work coming up today. I pray for a woman whose nephew is struggling with addiction, and for her struggles as well. How often do we pray for people in addiction after they leave a recovery program? How many times are we called to not give up hope? Seven times? No, we are told, seven times seventy. “Stay with me” continues to play, thinking of Jesus in the garden and Nick in the streets.
I pray for another who has had a terrible 2015, and 2016 isn’t looking much better, yet. I pause to enjoy looking at various prayer beads people have shared pictures of. I pray for a woman and her nine year old daughter as they wait to hear about approval for housing. I pray for another woman who is hoping to find people to work with on an important project.
Then, I stop to pray for CEC Fairfield Community of Hope Initiative which “serves a small, poverty stricken, historical city in Alabama that is currently facing overwhelming financial hardship and turmoil.”
“Stay with me” plays again. Watch and pray. There are churches around the country struggling to bring hope to desperate situations.
Presiding Bishop Curry talks about being part of the Episcopal branch of the Jesus movement. These people that I am praying for, I am connected to by the online arm of the Episcopal branch of the Jesus movement.
“Bless all whose lives are closely linked with ours, and grant that we may serve Christ in them, and love one another as he loves us.”
Why am I going to Missional Voices?
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Sat, 03/19/2016 - 09:10A few weeks ago, I received an email asking, why I was planning on attending the 2016 Missional Voices gathering at Virginia Theological Seminary in April. At the time, I didn’t have a good response. Since then, I’ve been added to a Facebook group of people attending the gathering where some interesting posts have been shared. My thoughts are starting to take shape.
The starting point of my interest came from a few different places. Last year, I attended a poetry conference at Yale Divinity School. During a guided meditation, I had a strong sense of God calling me in to ministry. It has started a period of discernment, where I am seeking to get a better sense of exactly what sort of ministry God is calling me into. I believe it may be a calling to the ordained priesthood in the Episcopal Church.
As I’ve spoken with my priest, my bishop, members of the commission on ministry, and my discernment committee, I’ve talked a lot about the unexpected. My experience at the poetry conference, in fact, even my attendance, was unexpected. I suspect that the path ahead will present many additional unexpected twists and turns.
I enjoy seeking out the unexpected and am excited about discovering whatever is in store for me in the current leg of my journey. I don’t want to jump the gun and start exploring down a path I’m not meant to go, but I do want to explore what I can.
One of the subject areas for study for those seeking ordination in the Episcopal priesthood is “Christian Theology, including Missionary Theology and Missiology.” I’ve encountered plenty of Christian Theology over the years and I look forward to further studies in the topic. However, “Missionary Theology and Missiology” was a new idea to me and one that I’m looking forward to exploring.
Another part of my journey is social media. I’m currently the social media manager for a community health center. It is a language I am very comfortable with, and I wonder how it fits into my calling. Seeing a post about “Missional Voices” in a social media group caught my attention, so I have signed up to go to the event, similar to how I signed up to go to the poetry conference last year.
I’m not sure what I am expecting out of the gathering. I am hoping it will not be yet another church conference or academic gathering. I don’t think it will be. The conference website has a lot of phrases that make me excited.
“Imagine a church that breaks free of its walls…”
-The Rt. Rev. C. Andrew DoyleMissional Voices will be a weekend of thinking, planning, and dreaming about the future of missional communities and innovative ministries in The Episcopal Church and Anglican Communion. This will be a place where dynamic incubation of new ideas is the norm – not the exception – and where people doing uncommon ministry find support and encouragement.
We want to inspire and propel the Church to engage in God’s mission in life-changing ways. That is why a significant feature of Missional Voices will focus on practical engagement in incubator sessions where we can begin to dream about where God is calling us to participate in God’s mission.
On The Process
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Sun, 02/28/2016 - 09:03This morning’s Old Testament lesson is Exodus 3:1=15, Moses and the burning bush. We spoke about it Thursday at the discernment committee, mostly in terms of God calling Moses, but in just about every calling story, there is another part of the story, when the called returns to their people. Will the message be accepted? Believed? Heeded?
I’m part of a group on Facebook, where those of us who are seeking discernment share our stories and support one another. It seems like all of us run into stories of people who think they are supposed to become an ordained deacon or priest, only to be rejected by the Commission on Ministry. Many of these people carry deep hurt or bitterness. In the group, people ask, is the process broken?
I commented:
Yes. It seems like mentioning that you are seeking discernment is an invitation for everyone to tell you every horror story possible about the process. I've lost track of how many people have told me their horror stories.
It is broken. It is as broken as the most broken person in the process. Yet it is all filled with grace. It is as full of grace as the most grace filled person in the process.
We are stuck in the middle bring both our brokenness, and our God given grace.
I believe God is calling me to the ordained priesthood. I pray that those who will decide whether to accept me as a postulant arrive at the same feeling.
I expect that such a decision is still months away, and I have to live out what God is calling me to, today. Today, I am a person in the process. I pray that God will use me, in this process to help others in the process and perhaps even, to bring new thoughts and new experiences to the process so it may be more grace filled for others who will go through the process in the future.
One thing I should perhaps clarify, when I speak about the broken people in the process, I am speaking equally about the candidates, as I am of the Bishops and members of the commissions on ministry.
One of the things I’ve been thinking a lot about in the process is what a great responsibility being a priest is. In the celebration and blessing of a marriage, towards the beginning of the service, the celebrant says,
Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.
The couple, and the community are both asked if anyone knows any reason the couple should not be married, and all of this comes after the couple has spent a lot of time speaking with the priest.
A bad marriage can be terrible; how much more so, a bad priest. With the marriage, the priest makes a decision about blessing the marriage. Sometimes, the priest gets it wrong. With becoming a postulant, the bishop, with the advice of a commission on ministry makes the decision. Sometimes, they get it wrong too, both by accepting someone who shouldn’t be or by not accepting someone who should be.
One of the places, where the process is broken, is that it seems like for many, the question being asked is, will the church accept me as a postulant for ordination. This seems to be the framing of the question for both seeking ordination, and for those who will make the decision. I have been fortunate in that my own framing of the question, and those who ultimately will make decisions about my journey are asking instead, “What sort of ministry is God calling Aldon to?” It is my hope that when the discussion comes to whether or not others in positions of authority talk with me about this again, it will continue in this fashion, and should the decision be, “not now”, there will be a good discussion about what should happen now.
Another concern that people bring up is how long the process takes. Given what an important decision it is, this doesn’t seem to bother me as much as it bothers other people. Of course, my process has been going rather smoothly so far. I may have very different feelings if it gets delayed or if I get rejected. Some of my tolerance of the length of the process comes from the fact that I believe I was called back when I was young, and didn’t reply. God has been waiting for me for many years. I can wait for God as long as it takes. I’m also reading the book “Slow Church” right now. I’ve got mixed feelings about the book so far. I wish I would see more about waiting for God in the book. Yet there is an important message in there about slowing things down.
Yet I will note that it is a difficult time being in the process, and I suspect even more difficult as the process drags on. For me, that part of the reason why finding a community of others in similar situations is so important.
And so, I wait, with my fellow seekers, for more clarity, more discernment about what God is calling me to, what God is calling my fellow seekers to. Let us support one another in our journeys.
