Personal

Personal reflections, comments about things I've been doing, etc.

RIP Aunt June

This morning, I received an email letting me know that my Aunt June has passed away. It was a little over a month ago that I received an email from a cousin letting me know that June had lung cancer and was no longer capable of living alone. Over the coming days, I received various updates about her condition, medical prognoses and family updates. One set of cousins brought her homemade cinnamon rolls, her medications were adjusted she was more able to carry on conversations; all of the discussions you would expect about an aging relative.

Another cousin set up a page with pictures of Aunt June. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, my brother wrote a great blog post about Aunt June.

To me, my extended family was always a mystery and Aunt June was the most mysterious. I come from an old New England family that traces its roots to the early days of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. Most of my relatives stayed in the area around Greenfield, Mass. My family moved west, all the way to Williamstown, forty miles away.

My mother had five siblings, six if you counted Cousin Betty, the eldest sibling, whom I never learned exactly how she was related to my family until she told my mother her story during her final days. There was Aunt Barbara. She was a widow who played the organ at a church in Turner’s Falls. She was the eldest, not counting Cousin Betty, and she had three daughters. Two had moved to California and I never remember meeting when I was young, and the youngest, my cousin Marty, was several years older. I was a young boy when cousin Marty got married and I remember catching the garter at the wedding.

There was also Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Charlie. They had moved south years ago, and I only met them on rare occasions. I don’t even remember who they had for children. I do remember that one year, Uncle Charlie and Aunt Phyllis were visiting and joined me on my birthday at a local restaurant. Our family rarely went to restaurants so this was a special event, especially since it was an expensive seafood restaurant, and if we ever did eat out it was at Friendly’s.

On the way home from my birthday dinner, my Uncle Charlie had a heart attack and spent the following days at a local hospital. He recovered and lived many years longer, finally passing away while I was hitchhiking across Europe.

Uncle Bud was another one of my mother’s siblings. He lived in Athol, MA and I always remember him as a jovial uncle, who among other things, had a snowmobile. He lived with his wife, my Aunt Rita. They had kids as well, but they were older and I remember stories about some of my cousins living in Australia.

My Aunt Susie and Uncle Fred had moved further away from Greenfield than her brother Bud had, all the way to Slate Hill, NY. We saw her and her family a couple times a year. She had two children, Jon and Dorian, who were the two cousins that were closest to my age. When my grandparents grew too old to live by themselves, they moved in with Aunt Susie and Uncle Fred.

Then, there was Aunt June. She had moved to California and lived there by herself. She never had any children and as I child I don’t remember ever seeing her. When my oldest brother hit the road soon after high school, he visited Aunt June and at that point, she started to take on a more complete and complicated persona. A few years later, I visited her as well. I didn’t delve into the mysteries of her life. I was too polite a New England boy to do that. Yet it was clear that she had shed the New England upbringing for a different life.

We never stayed in touch that much after my visit, but that is the way my family has always been. Now, Aunt June is dead, but her memory remains as an aunt that challenged her family history and went off to live her own life. It seems like we would all be better off if we had people like Aunt June in our lives.

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Distracted

Normally by this time of the day on a Monday afternoon, I would have read through many of the emails that came in overnight and sent several responses. I would have visited a couple hundred blogs, glancing at what was going on and perhaps added a few comments and I would have done a little programming, spoken with some clients, or done other business activities.

Yet today, I am distracted. The distraction started at about three A.M. when Fiona came into our bedroom. She had had a bad dream. She cuddled in the bed with us for a little while as she calmed back down and then went off to bed. However, my sleep was interrupted and I’m still tired.

Then, when it was time to go to school, she wasn’t feeling well, so she has stayed home, mostly sitting on the couch playing on a laptop, watching television, and from time to time asking me to get her a drink or something to eat.

I did glance at some of the emails today. One was from a cousin about my Aunt June. A little over a month ago, my brother wrote a great blog post about Aunt June. I also made a pilgrimage to Aunt June’s house soon after I was out of school; it wasn’t as striking a visit as my brothers, but it was meaningful.

The email my cousin sent says, “She is a hospice patient now and they are very good at maintaining comfortable care…Cards, prayers and meditations are more than welcome and I am sure she would want to know we all love her very much and are thinking of her.”

Distracted by tiredness, caring for a daughter home from school, and a dying aunt, I needed some other form of distraction and that has come today as well.

Kim and I decided that she would get me a Nokia N900 for Christmas. The plan is to replace my existing Motorola Razr V3xx cellphone with it. However, some N900 enthusiasts bristle when you talk about this as a cellphone. It is a mobile computing device.

Well, this morning, the N900 arrived. My initial thoughts have been to test it to make sure everything is working properly, and then decide whether to put it back in the box and use my Razr for another week and a half before switching over to using it as my primary device.

I did have a few difficulties getting going. On the first test, it didn’t manage to read my SIM card, so it only worked with the WiFi in the house. Yet after fiddling a little, the AT&T SIM card started working. Also, I took the microSD card from my Razr and put it into the Nokia. Media, like pictures, videos and audio that was on the Razr all shows up nicely on the Nokia.

I have run into various difficulties getting it to behave the way I want. It took a little while before I had ssh access to the device as well as root access. Of course the method for gaining this sort of access is described in detail on the Nokia website, so it was pretty easy to get going. Now, I can use ssh from any of my computers and access the N900 just like I would access any other computer. Slowly, I’m finding out what I can and can’t do with the cellphone. At times, I’m pleasantly surprised, at others I’m disappointed. Perhaps some of this should get saved for after Christmas, but today seems to be a day that the distractions of the new mobile device provide an important counterbalance to the other distractions of the day.

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Thanksgiving Morning on Cape Cod

It is about 6:30 in the morning, and I’m sitting in a vacation house in North Truro on Cape Cod. It is a beautiful house owned by and artist and full of her work. With the exception of an occasional crow outside, the house is quite. The weather is cool, damp, and misty.

Soon enough, the house will erupt into activity. Fiona will get up, along with her three cousins, and the two dogs. They will talk and run and it will be a grand time. Kim will get up, along with her brother, sister-in-law and her parents and the preparations for the Thanksgiving feast will begin.

But now, I have the house to myself, to sit quietly and reflect. Without the impending chaos, this is a wonderful house for reflection.

I’ve gotten so far behind on my novel that I’m setting it aside for the month; another year with an unsuccessful National Novel Writing Month. Yet I do have the beginning of a good novel, my writing, I hope, has improved, and new ideas have come flooding in.

One of the characters in my novel is a narcissistic trustafarian. He seems incapable of empathizing with the people around him. They are all just objects for his continued amusement. As I explored the character, I thought of the contrast, the empath. I remember years ago when I was exploring my well developed emotional defenses and a therapist observed that sometimes our defenses can be a good thing. We need them to keep the whole world from crashing in. If you think about all the people suffering from diseases, hunger, war; the list seems endless, it could be dehabilitating.

An idea emerged for a story, The Empath’s Touch, taking the idea of a person wanting to be more empathetic and wishing that they could feel everyone’s feelings. Like Midas’ Touch, it would end up being a curse instead.

This idea has been in my mind as I prepared for Thanksgiving Day. I’ve thought of those I know that are in the hospital; some fighting lung cancer or Alzheimer’s disease, others simply getting far enough along in age that the flu that has been going around has left them too weak and in the need of special care.

I remember ten years ago when Kim and I celebrated Thanksgiving Day at a historic Vermont Country Inn. It was a few months after Kim’s mother had died, and she just didn’t think she could deal with a large family affair. We were both horribly wounded at the time by so many of the things going on in our lives, but still we took time out to be thankful for the few bright spots, including our new found love for one another.

At a meeting on Monday evening, the chair of a board I serve on commented about how two important people had died in her family on Thanksgiving in years past and so for them Thanksgiving was a more quiet affair.

These thoughts stayed with me throughout the week. On Tuesday, Fiona and I drove over to Gozzi’s Turkey Farm in Guildford. It is a wonderful local turkey farm, and we always get our Thanksgiving turkeys there. The traffic was heavy on the Interstate, so we took the back roads. I thought about those stuck in traffic on the Interstate, simply trying to get home on the second day of a short week. I looked at the people as they drove along the back roads; how many times so many of them must have driven these roads, how routine the frustrations of the traffic must have become. I remember years ago when I was young, single and working in New Jersey what some of my commutes were like then.

As the sun set behind us, the barren trees in front of us were lit up with a beautiful darkening crimson. Yes, in the frustrating long commutes home for the people around us, and the exciting trip to get the turkeys, there were special moments of beauty, if only we could look and see them.

The folks at Gozzi’s Turkey Farm dye a bunch of their turkeys bright colors and put them in a pen in front of their store before Thanksgiving. It was getting dark as we arrived, and the turkeys were lit up by the headlights of cars in the parking lot. Fiona and admired them and were taking a few pictures as some of the workers came out to escort the turkeys back to their night time quarters. It was a stunning parade of brightly colored turkeys and one other person commented about how it beat the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Yup, a few brightly colored turkeys at the end of the day could be a spectacular event. We picked up our turkey and headed home.

My thoughts continued in a similar vein as we drove out to Cape Cod. I was focused on my driving, so I didn’t spend as much time pondering the lives of the people around me. We stopped to get a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on the way up. The store was quiet and empty and I wondered how the store owners had been weathering the recession. We had no traffic and were on the Cape for a late lunch. Most of our favorite clam shacks were closed for the season, but we found a good place to stop in Wellfleet.

It was after whatever they might have had for a lunch time rush, with only a few couples sitting around. A tall red headed proprietress took our orders and made sure we received what we needed. How had business been for her this past year?

As we drove the last few miles of our trip, I looked at the scrub pine trees alongside the road. The mist intensified the colors of the lichens on the trees and beyond the road, Cape Cod felt like a barren strange land. I thought about what it must have felt like to the pilgrims and early settlers as well as the Native Americans that had inhabited these lands.

After settling in at the house, Kim and I went to the lighting of the Pilgrim Monument in Provincetown. The museum at the monument was packed. A nice young man was playing the piano in one room with many of his friends gathered round. Some women were dressed in traditional pilgrim garb, and many people drank cider and ate cookies as they looked at various exhibits of what life was like on the Cape in the early 1600s.

Outside, around the monument, speakers blared. Techno music segued into Christmas carols as Kim and I found a quiet place off to the side to sit and watch the event. The mist billowed past the monument, only to clear shortly before the lighting ceremony. Various people spoke about the monument, out country, our traditions, and the Mayflower compact.

With the monument lit, Kim and I headed down into town and stopped at Twisted Sister to pick up some pizza to bring back to the house. We chatted with the owner and the manager as we waited for our pizzas to cook. We talked about the Sagamore Bridge and how the construction had affected businesses already suffering because of the slow economy. Then, with our pizzas in hand we returned to the house.

Now, I sit and finish writing my blog post. It is almost long enough to be a full days worth of writing for NaNoWriMo. I’ll post it, briefly check my email and some other blogs, perhaps write a little bit more about my ideas for what I could do with a cellphone that is a fully powered Linux box, and prepare for the activities of the day.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

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Random Updates

Fiona’s Radio Show

Last week, we did not have an episode of Fiona’s Radio Show because I was driving back from Virginia. Things have been so busy it is hard to believe that it was just a week ago. This week, we will have a very special episode when potential Connecticut Gubernatorial candidate Dan Malloy calls in to speak with Fiona.

#NaNoWriMo

I’m still behind in National Novel Writing month. I should be on the home stretch by now with over 35,000 words, but I’ve been so busy, I’m still nearly a week behind. If I write 3000 words a day, I can still make it, but that is pretty dubious. I was hoping to catch up a little bit today, but I ended up helping a friend remove some malware from their site.

Cider

On the seventeenth, we bottled our second batch of maple cider. We’ve been drinking and giving away the cider but we still have lots.

Wave

Google Wave testing continues, but I’ve been too busy to do much with that recently either. I need to take down my Wave server and upgrade it to the latest version sometime soon.

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A Post-structuralist Goldielocks sits in Joseph Kosuth’s Chairs at George W. Menard’s Wake

It feels like each day throws new curves at me, getting in the way of writing my novel and potentially messing up business appointments. The latest was a message from a friend on Facebook that said, “Please live life like there may be no tomorrow. Dad is dead and it is unbelievable. Go hug someone“.

I copied down the message as I went to pick up my two older daughters for brunch before hitting the road back from Mary Baldwin College in Virginia to my home in Connecticut. It is a long drive, and I don’t get to see my older daughters that often.

We ate at Kathy’s, a good local restaurant in Staunton. We had eggs and pancakes and talked. Somehow, the discussion drifted over to One and Three Chairs, by Joseph Kosuth. The piece consists of a chair, a photograph of a chair and the dictionary definition of a chair. We joked around about a post-structuralist Goldielocks seeing the exhibit. First she sat in the physical chair and pronounced it too hard. Then she photoshopped her representation into the photograph of the chair, and pronounced that too soft. Finally she tried to use the definition of ‘chair’ and broke it. We all laughed, although there seemed to be a wistfulness in Mairead’s laughter. We are a family in love with ideas, yet somehow that love seems to have turned bittersweet for Mairead in her latest turmoil.

After brunch as we headed back to campus, I shared with them my friend’s note. As I departed, I gave them a typical farewell hug, with a little extra in memory of George Menard. With a turn of the wheel, I was headed north on I-81, listening to More Tales of the City.

Up in Massachusetts, friends are mourning the loss of a father, father-in-law, and ‘poppy’. I didn’t know George all that well. I met him at a few events, and we had many great talks, especially about his days in the Navy. The idea of a post-structuralist Goldielocks sitting in one of Joseph Kosuth’s chairs at his wake might not have meant as much as it does to my daughters and I, and hopefully to his daughter. Yet the admonition to “please live life like there may be no tomorrow” is something I can see him fully embracing.

Rest In Peace, George Menard

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