Twenty-five years ago, I was twenty-three years old and working as a consultant at Bell Laboratories. I had been living the bohemian lifestyle sharing cheap apartments with actors and artists and so during those years I saved up a bit of money. I was struggling with who I was and what I should do with my life. I decided that it would be a good thing for me to go out and see the world, so when my contract at the Labs came up for renewal, I decided to go out and travel around the country and around Europe. I kept a fairly good journal during much of that time, and it seems like this would be a good time to take some of those journal entries and add them into my blog.

January 1, 1983: New Year’s New York. A magical day, like St. Paddy’s when everyone lets it all hang out. Say hello to the people on the street. Two New Year’s resolutions. 1) To break all resolutions. (Philosopher’s paradox resolution) 2) to write every day. Here. Wahat a day to start off. When you see the games played at their fullest. I’m thinking I’ll join a monastery (find other games). Love. What a mess me -> Linda <-> Steven. Phil -> Claire. Boy & Girl or human and human. Broken tooters, the mating call of the horny Njian. Subway Solipsism. In each face, I see eyes, looking at different worlds. Excellence/Decadence, others/self.

January 2, 1983: A three-quarters moon shines coldly on a young writer struggling back to his apartment after watching “And Quiet Flows the Don”. A movie of war/revolution, love and entanglements. As I sit next to a beautiful woman with her date, and our eyes meet. Dinner at Claire’s and a challenge, a haiku about Automatic Allocation Ranking.

The cheapest path
Transversable
Gets chosen first

Church: How do you answer the question of Sophie’s Choice .. Brothers Karamozov of how a loving God can allow such suffering. Why not rebel? Taking communion, having asked God to prepare me for my journeys. I experience the presence of Christ about to have his body broken. I cannot answer why except for theological free will, but I do know that Christ experienced all and yet he rebelled not.

January 3, 1983: Sparse thoughts. A good day, getting things done. Tire from a late night last night. Too tired to read. I spent much time thinking on monastic life and how it relates to friendships here.