January 20, 1983: The machines groan ‘midst mercury vapor cast shadows as I struggle through the cold, beat. Feeling the expanse of everything after Ivan Illych’s death. Wrapped up in thought forgetting people, yet lonely in weariness. Wrote two letters tdaoy. Tom Hoeft to leave CGA as the stock rises.

January 21, 1983: Nostalgia train. 1930 vintage. The train I used to take to Exxon. Taking it out to visit old Exxon buddy and go skiing. Very NJ. Proper upper middle class people talking tennis, college, hockey and who knows what else. And everyone is very good looking. I had dinner with Linda hence am romantic. She spoke of weirdness. So much was said indirectly. Cigarette ad with the more interesting character smoking a pipe. Setting broken down train. Characters: business man after long day, parents with children. College Kids. Freak.

January 22, 1983: Spent. A day of decadence, down the slopes, buying scotch. The rocking of the train, the full stomach, and the exhaustion. I sleep, letter from Andy. Writing is going good for him it seems. Scott with woman. My mind again on Linda. Tired, not much writing. I close my eyes and see the slope and recall my thoughts about how enjoyable and yet how foreign. Foreign as an affectation but not as an appreciation of nature.