Pathfinder Linden Remembers The Sojourner, originally uploaded by Aldon.

So, what do you wear to a memorial service in Second Life? This morning is the memorial service for The Sojourner. If I were attending in real life, I would find the solemnest suit I can find. Yet this is Second Life. When I appear in human shape, it is a very simple avatar, with simple clothing, blue jeans and a T-shirt.

I ran into this situation sometime ago, when I went to a pajama party in Second Life. Not having any good pajamas for the pajama party, I chose to go as a small black cat. I was agile, running around the party, dragging a pillow behind me and knocking over guest after guest. Being low to the ground, it was hard for the other guests to stop me and there were numerous cries about that damned cat.

One person that I tripped up numerous times that evening was Gentle Heron. Afterwards, she approached me and said that she hoped I didn’t take all of the complaints personally. To her, it was all part of some sorely needed relief. I appreciated her concern and explained that it was all part of the fun for me as well, and if I thought people were genuinely upset, I would have changed back to human form.

Gentle spoke a little bit about this group she was part of, The Heron Society. She explained that people in the group were having a difficult time. A friend had recently committed suicide and everyone was busy supporting one another. The pajama party with the fun of a cat running around knocking people over, was just the sort of outlet she needed.

Gentle and I became fast friends after this, and from her, I learned a lot about the caring community in Second Life. There are many people struggling with many disabilities and Second Life is a place for them to gather and find support, friendship, and the chance to dance, fly, swim, or simply chase a cat around at a pajama party.

One of the people Gentle introduced me to was The Sojourner. Soj, as she was called her many friends had survived multiple strokes. She gathered with others to help them deal with their own struggles and helped build an important community called Dreams.

When I spoke about the memorial service, Gentle thought that coming as a cat would be appropriate. After all, the ability to come as you are and be accepted is so important in caring communities.

Nonetheless, I arrived at the memorial service in my human shape. I saw Gentle sitting on a bench and I though of her need for comfort, and I know how comforting it is to pat a cat. I looked at women in elegant black dresses, and I decided that it would be best to be at the memorial service for Soj as a black cat. As we waited for the service to begin, people handed out red armbands entitled “Wearing my heart on my sleeve for Soj”. I added this to my outfit.

The memorial service started off with Grace McDunnough, who chose a human shape and an elegant black dress, singing a wonderful song. Then Pathfinder Linden spoke about how he met The Sojourner many years ago and how they worked together to form the Dreams community. I’m not sure exactly how I would describe Pathfinder’s outfit other than to say it was only vaguely humanoid.

After Pathfinder, many other people added comments about how wonderful Soj was and about how much she brought to the community of people in Second Life, and perhaps that gives us a clue into what to wear to a memorial service in Second Life.

Wear your heart on your sleeve, show the people around you how much you care. Bring a little of the compassion that Soj brought to Second Life. Bring it to the memorial service, and then bring it with you beyond Second Life. Don’t worry about what you look like, what you’re wearing, or what sort of disabilities might hinder you. Instead focus on being a caring person, the way Soj was, and the way so many of the friends she has touched are.