Personal
Personal reflections, comments about things I've been doing, etc.
More entrails reading
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Wed, 06/06/2007 - 20:19How much should I write about what is going on in my personal life on my blog? It is question that many of us face, and it depends, to a large extent, who we think our audience is. In a recent blog post, I wrote about A Legacy for Our Loved Ones. Yes, part of my audience, I hope, will be grandchildren fifty years from now wondering what the early years of the 21st century were like and what their grandfather’s life was like. I want to give them as much details as I can. Part of my audience is friends and family simply checking in to see how I am doing. I want them to get enough details to know what is going on, but not so much that they worry unnecessarily. Part of my audience may be future employers and I hope they will come away with a positive impression and call me up with great new opportunities soon. Others are people interested in the various subjects I talk about; politics, technology, group dynamics or whatever.
With all of these possible readers in mind, let me give you a few details about my day. People looking for politics or technology can skip the rest. For everyone else, it will be tempered to meet the needs and expectations of the general audience.
The other day, I had my annual physical. I’m slowly addressing different issues that came up from it. Next week, I will meet with an allergist. Today, I had an abdominal sonogram. Before anyone gets too freaked out, here’s what is going on. My blood work came back with elevated liver enzymes. The same thing happened in 2002 and 2000, and probably other times as well, for all I know. In 2000, my doctor thought I should have it checked out, so I had a sonogram back then, and they found nothing. Apparently, in 2002, the doctor looked at the 2000 reports and figured it wasn’t worth it to have another sonogram.
Well, now that seven years have gone by, my doctor thought it probably made sense to double check the liver, just to be sure. So, I went to a medical imaging lab today. I’ve told family members the story above, perhaps partly to reassure them, perhaps partly to reassure myself. Perhaps some of my requests that people pray for Faith is as a way of dealing with my anxieties about possibly finding something wrong with me.
At the imaging center, things went smoothly. Checking in was quick and easy and in a few minutes I was on my back with a technician moving her magic wand around my abdomen across nicely warmed gel to gather images of my innards. After around half an hour of variously holding my breath or shifting from one side to another, all the requisite data had been gather.
Being the techie that I am, I glanced over at the screen whenever I could. They did a thorough job and I saw images that I assume were my liver, kidneys and pancreas. I watched her flip switches which brought bright reds and blues onto a ghostly gray screen. I wondered if there were ways that I could get any of these images. Perhaps I could have my liver up for next weeks Wordless Wednesday, assuming there was nothing wrong with it.
I listened to the technicians as they talked. I tried to read their expressions. Were there any indications of them seeing anything abnormal? I thought of asking them what they thought, but I expected that the imaging center’s lawyers have told all the technicians to have a standard line about being just technicians and it is up to the radiologist to interpret the results. It’s probably just as good to wait for the radiologist’s interpretation anyway.
Back home, Kim asked me how it went. I shrugged it off and described the uneventful event. I asked her how the ‘perc’ test at the house went. We are in the process of selling our house and we have a possible buyer who wanted to have the test done. It seemed somehow oddly fitting that I was having my innards tested at the same time as the house’s land was having its innards tested.
So, as I tried to focus from my distractions and get through emails, websites, data, etc., the phone rang. It was the imaging center. They had forgotten to measure my spleen. I do try to control my spleen, but it does come out in my blog posts every now and then, but that wasn’t what they were interested in. Could I come back? It would only be for a few minutes.
I told Kim that they wanted me to come back in, and before I could get out the reason why, she burst into tears. I guess she’s feeling a little agita as well. We laughed about that and I headed back to the imaging center. The technician quickly measured my spleen and I was back on my way.
On the way home, I looked at the deep blue summer sky. Cirrus clouds in thin wisps up high looked a bit like some of the thin white wisps that had appeared on the screen during my sonogram.
So, now I wait for the results. As I said at the top, I don’t expect anything out of the ordinary, yet as has been reflected in the words below, I still worry. Yet with these tests behind me, I can now focus on preparing for the coming weekend.
A Legacy for Our Loved Ones
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Tue, 06/05/2007 - 17:06On June 5, 1989 a solitary man stood in front of a column of tanks in Tiananmen square. The image is emblazoned on the minds of many who long for a more democratic China. Eight years earlier, the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report had a report about five gay men in California who suffered from a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with a weakened immune system. For those concerned with AIDS, it was a key moment.
Yet for many of us the day will be remembered as a friend’s birthday or some other important event in our personal lives, or want have any significance. Yet these moments that make up a dull day may not be special to us, but to someone we love, they may have special meaning some day.
In Been There, Emily writes about the letter Elizabeth Edwards is writing to her children. She talked about a book that she had written with a friend ‘about leaving a legacy for our loved ones.’ To me, that is part of blogging.
My daughters rarely read my blog. Perhaps some day they will. Perhaps my blog will provide insights to them or to grandchildren or great grandchildren years hence.
And you that shall cross from shore to shore years hence, are more to me, and more in my meditations, than you might suppose.
Perhaps some day when Faith is old and gray and full of sleep And nodding by the fire, she will read the words her mother wrote.
So, I hope that my words, together with Stacie’s, Emily’s and Elizabeth’s words will be a legacy to our loved ones. Hopefully, they will be more than just some memorial in the future but will also motivate all of us to leave meaningful legacies to our loved ones by working to fight disease, hunger, injustice, whether it be AIDS and Tiananmen square or the simple diseases, hungers and injustices that we run across in our daily lives.
Random Stuff
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Mon, 06/04/2007 - 11:46This weekend we went and visited some friends who have a house on Cape Cod. Other than dealing with a couple special issues, I was offline for most of the weekend. Because of that, when I got home I found around 1300 unread emails in my main inbox. I’ve whittled it down to a little less than 900, but I have a lot of reading to go. I also haven’t visited any of the blogs I normally visit, with one exception, so I feel like I’m out of touch with what my friends are up to.
The one exception is Mommy’s Busy ... Take a Number!. On Friday, her daughter was supposed to go into surgery and I asked everyone to pray for Faith as well as for her whole family. Well, the surgery has been postponed until Tuesday, so please keep up your prayers.
What I did do is spend time reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance as I looked out at the waves. Lots of blog post ideas have percolated through my brain and I hope to get a chance to write up some of these soon.
Back home, I caught the tail end of the Democratic Presidential debate and added a few comments here and there on various blogs. I spent a bit of time cleaning up the never ending battle of spam. The latest annoyance is that various spambots go out and create userids so they can post ‘authenticated’ comments. This gets around many of the spam filters out there. So, I’ve been busy deleting comments as well as newly created userids. I’ve been adding filters to my user creation rules. If you have a userid that begins with ‘regbot’ or ‘registrator’ or you are coming from certain mail servers in Russia or Latvia, you’ll need to use a different email address. In addition, if you are a webpage scraper looking for people to spam, don’t send emails to addresses like regbot_18@1net.gr.
regbot_n13@rbcmail.ru,
registrator22@Safe-mail.net,
registrator_n20@axigenmail.com,
registrator3005@toughguy.net or blogger4@sdial.biz. You’ll just be spamming one of your own.
Praying for Faith
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Fri, 06/01/2007 - 07:04Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit. It is the first of the month and as I wake up, I remember the old childhood superstition that you should say “Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit” when you first wake at the beginning of each new month in order to receive good luck for the coming month. This comes after the ‘blue moon’ of last night, another bearer of good luck. It seems as if we are always looking for signs that something good is around the corner for us, especially during times of uncertainty or troubles.
On Wednesday evening, I took the train into New York with an old friend to go to a discussion about Group Relations and the 2008 Presidential Election. What are the group dynamics that are taking place in the election? How does it related to the United States standing in the world and people’s views of President Bush?
It seems as if this searching for certainty, for a sign of good luck, is an important part of what is going on. President Bush is presented as a cowboy, the rugged American individualist who can ride in and save the day. It plays well in these days of great technological change and the uncertainty that that brings, in these days of globalization, in these days after the fall of the Berlin Wall as well as of the World Trade Centers.
Yet more and more, faith in the powers and principalities of Mr. Bush and the U.S. Presidency is shaken. The post 9/11 lashing out against Arabs in the form of the Iraq War hasn’t turned out the way people had hoped, and while the stock market soars, so do the financial woes of many Americans.
In my personal life, I’ve been looking for signs as well. I often tend towards the more scientific, and so I had my annual physical. Wednesday, I received a call from my doctor. Yes, I am allergic to shrimp. I’m allergic to all shellfish, as well as to wheat and corn. Beyond that I’m allergic to cats and to dust. Some of the allergies are pretty mild, some of them fairly substantial. With this information, we will seek ways to change our lifestyle so I can be healthier, while at the same time making sure that Reilly, our wonderful and beloved Maine Coon Cat remains well cared for.
As I drove down to the doctor’s office, a chipmunk ran across the road. I tried to avoid it, but in my rearview mirror, I saw the small corpse twist its last convulsions. In ancient days, people would try to predict the future by reading the entrails of sacrificed animals. The entrails of the chipmunk were left on the road only to become crow food in the next couple hours, yet the experience left a bitter taste in my mouth. It did not augur well in my mind.
The haruspices of old interpreted signs from the liver. Today, we use blood tests and sonograms to interpret the liver and other bodily functions. I have more tests ahead of me to find the signs of better health. Yet all of these test and potential lifestyle changes are small on the greater scale.
I spend a lot of time reading blogs. I believe we can learn a lot about ourselves, our nation and our world by listening to those around us, and reading other blogs is a great way to stop and listen. I’m not talking about the rants on political blogs, I’m talking about the reflections of daily life in the personal blogs that abound.
One such blog is Mommy’s Busy… Take a number. The image on the blog is of a six-armed smiling mother, child in one arm, balancing on one foot over another child playing next to the basket of laundry that needs to be taken care of. She is cooking. Her husband is in the background informing her of an incoming phone call. The sun shines through the window. It captures the hope and joy that can still be there in the chaos of daily life.
Stacie has a picture of her young daughter Faith, walking down her gravel driveway holding the hand of her cousin Caleb. It is a touching picture, entitled “The long road ahead…” to which she adds, “is easier when someone is holding your hand.” Yet when you read more, you find how touching this really is.
In the blog post before, she has a different picture of Faith. In this picture, Faith has a tube taped to her face leading to her nose. I can’t describe the look in her eyes. Is it hurt? Is it fear? Is it simply beseeching her mother to just make everything better? Oh, were it so easy. You see, Faith has 22q syndrome. “The 22q11.2 Deletion Syndrome is an abnormality on the twenty-second chromosome that can cause such health problems as heart defects, immune deficiency…” I used the ellipses because the list of health problems goes on and on.
Faith’s mother writes,
I have pretended to be fine with all of the above. I have smiled and joked and been very factual and technical. I have been very medically oriented about the whole thing. ...
Because that is what needs to be done. I will smile and joke and figure out a way to not drink around my baby. And I will cry and scream on the inside.
Because its just not fair.
Well, today is Faith’s surgery, and I need to pray for her, for her mother, for her whole family, because that is what needs to be done.
Stacie’s most recent post is from last Sunday. The question…
has been asked. By my kids... The question that I have dreaded and dreaded.
Could Faith die during surgery?
What do you say to that?
They are to smart for the blanket make-everything-better "of course she wont" comment.
They know better.
They know that things could go horribly awry and she could die.
But I said that anyway.
"of course she isnt going to die"
They didnt believe me.
She ends off the blog post with
How do you make your kids feel reassured when you cant even reassure yourself?
My answer?
Hug them tight and say dont worry, everything will be ok. There are lots of people praying for her and wonderful people taking care of her. It will be all right.I hope that it was enough. I hope that it was the truth.
5 days to go.
Please God let everything be ok.
So, we look for leaders to give us hope, to hug us and tell us everything will be okay. We read the entrails, and if we are lucky, we meet someone like Stacie who says more about hope in a few simple blog posts than many of us may experience in a lifetime.
Pray for Faith. Pray for Stacie. Pray for the whole family, our country and our world, and maybe, just maybe, it will be enough. It will be the truth, and God will let everything be ok.
How much is your blog really worth?
Submitted by Aldon Hynes on Mon, 05/28/2007 - 09:47As I surf around the blogs, one question that I often stumble across is, how much is your blog really worth. One site looks at the number of incoming links as reported on Technorati and then calculates the value based the value that AOL paid for Weblogs. Based on this, my blog is worth nearly $75,000.
My blog is worth $74,519.28.
How much is your blog worth?
Yet this is a gross over simplification. If all of the links are from my 100 closest friends and all they do is link amongst themselves, that is worth much less than if the links are from the top 100 websites. In theory, this is part of what Google’s PageRank tries to address.
Yet the number of links to a site might not be the best indication of blog value. Another way people think about value of their blog is the number of readers. Yet this number might be misleading as well. Looking at my raw logs, I get around 4000 hits a day on my site, from around 1200 different IP addresses. Over the past 4 months, I’ve had around 400,000 visits from over 60,000 unique sites. However, this includes webcrawlers, spambots, and who knows what else. Filtering out this, the traffic, a more realistic number is probably around 1400 real hits a day. On the other hand, that doesn’t include people who read the site from my RSS feed.
Of course, if you are looking at pay per view advertising, no one wants to use your internal numbers, everyone wants to count by themselves, and these counters can be all over the place. Counters use small images which might not get displayed, javascript that might not get executed, and so on. I’ve tried various sitecounters and usually turn them off when I find that there is no correlation between internal logs, and different external sitecounters. In addition, I’ve found that the sitecounters often slow down my site.
The latest sitecounter that I’ve started playing with is Quantcast. It looks like they may provide some interest data, for sites with enough traffic.
Yet even traffic count may not be the best way to judge a website’s traffic. What is more interesting is the amount of influence a site has. If Keith Olberman or Anderson Cooper talks about your website on the air, even if no one comes to visit the site as a result of the mention, the site is probably more influential than if the only person talking about the website is your mother and a couple siblings. However, most of us don’t get our site mentioned by celebrities, so this is not an easy metric to analyze.
That said, the other day, I got an email from a PR flack trying to get me to write about his client. I asked why anyone reading my blog would be interested in hearing about the flack’s client, and the only response was that the client as ‘entertaining’. While I know that a lot people are interested entertainment in blogs, it isn’t particularly my style. Yet it did indicate that at least one PR flack out there seems to think my blog is influential.
Even more important might be the impact that a blog has. Blog Catalog is asking bloggers to use their blogs to bring attention to Donors Choose, a nonprofit raising money for public school classrooms around the country. Here is the BlogCatalog Challenge Link.
Closer to home, I receive an email from my friend Lynne. She is participating “Bennett Cancer Center Hope In Motion annual Walk, Run and Ride event on June 3rd” and has an online fundraising page up here. Please, stop by and add your contribution.
Beyond that, the other day, I wrote about links from people I ran into at Personal Democracy Forum. These included Change.org and PledgeBank. After I wrote that, I received an email from Robert Tolmach about ChangingThePresent.org. All of these sites are similar to OurVoicesTogether, which Kim used to find my Christmas Present last year.
So, let us take a few moments, and think not about how many links, or readers, or influential readers or whatever we have as a means of finding value for our blogs, and instead do what we can to help people around us.
