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Personal reflections, comments about things I've been doing, etc.

1983 Journal: Jan 4-7

Over the coming days, I’ll continue to post entries from my 1983 journal.

January 4, 1983: Kerouac. Smooth sounds flowing simply, incessantly through thought thriving on despair. Speech pathology, philology, alliteration prepare poets for pondering profundities. A student reveals to George Bryce the style of his writing. Computers and contemplation can confuse creativity. Looking over my last four days writings I can see how my mood, interactions with other people and art affect my writing. Today is another day not good for writing. Tomorrow.

January 5, 1983: Applied to Lucasfilm. Mary spoke at prayer group. Rich expressed concerns of the disappearance of Grace from our Theology. Nostalgia supper. Is art justifiable? How about the religious life? Singledom. Loneliness. Kerouac takes things as they come. Good night.

January 6, 1983: Epiphany. John found out yesterday that I’m leaving. Spent the day arranging that. Steve stopped over bringing his receiver. Listening to music. Music of freedom. Clove cigarettes and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. Peace. I’m ready for the road. Politics re-awakening. I need to learn how to write of that peace that passes understanding. Peace which knows no matter what, freezing roads, and failing marches, everything works out. “Everything that dies someday comes back” / “We can’t go back, we can only look behind” Chatting with Fritz on his problems.

January 7, 1983: Listening to the stereo. A day of plotting career strategies. Thoughts about monks. I am overwhelmed with quietness this evening, a quietness that expands to the farthest corners of the rooms, or to the farthest corners of my perceived room. It is not a quiet of peace. It is a quiet of longing for what is to be and a longing to express this foreboding of these journeys and express experience of previous trips. “Pleasures of the harbor” memories of old trips hopes of new.

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A new month, and a calendar update

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit. Another month starts off, another opportunity to hope for better days to come. It is the time of year when everyone is trying to figure out which conferences and events they will be going to. Freedom to Connect, Take Back America, Personal Democracy Forum, Netroots Nation, the Democratic National Convention. For me, there are other events not on most people’s radar, like the AGPA annual conference or the NCSL Spring Conference and Falcon Ridge.

So, I’ve now updated my list of upcoming events to provide time, place and notes about each event and whether or not I’m likely to attend any of them.

1983 Journal: Jan 1-3

Twenty-five years ago, I was twenty-three years old and working as a consultant at Bell Laboratories. I had been living the bohemian lifestyle sharing cheap apartments with actors and artists and so during those years I saved up a bit of money. I was struggling with who I was and what I should do with my life. I decided that it would be a good thing for me to go out and see the world, so when my contract at the Labs came up for renewal, I decided to go out and travel around the country and around Europe. I kept a fairly good journal during much of that time, and it seems like this would be a good time to take some of those journal entries and add them into my blog.

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Arms of an avatar

“I need some distraction, oh beautiful release… In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here”
- Sarah McLachlan, Arms Of An Angel

I spend a lot of my time in Second Life camping to make a Linden dollars here and there and exploring the Second Life capital markets. Linden Lab’s recent ban on banking has cut into the amount of Linden dollars that I have as spending money, but it doesn’t particularly bother me. I haven’t spent any US dollars to buy Linden dollars, so everything I’ve gotten and lost has been produced in Second Life.

Sure, I still have the hair and skin of a Noob and simply rent a small shop in Second life, but that meets my needs. I want to have experiences to shape my views of the evolution of internet technology, business and marketing online and have a little fun. I don’t need the fanciest objects to do that.

Yesterday, I went to the fundraiser for Africa in Second Life. I didn’t have a lot to give, but gave all that I could. Then, I did what I am good at, spreading the word. I wrote about it here. I talked about it on various groups I was on and got others to spread the word. Then I sat down and listened to some of the music.

A few new friends showed up, people that I’ve been meeting through my business reporting, and we settled down to listen to the music. One performer sang Sarah McLachlan’s “Arms of An Angel”. One of my new friends turned to me and commented about painful memories that she has carried from Africa for thirty years. The setting, a fundraiser for Africa, in a beautiful sim, with a live performer singing a song about beautiful distractions dredged up these memories. We talked a little bit. Did my words help? I don’t know, but I hope so.

Later, I was invited to a pajama party in Second Life. Every month Bevan Whitfield organizes some sort of gathering for business associates and friends and last night she organized a pajama party. Since I don’t have a lot of Linden dollars, I still have default skin and hair, and a paucity of clothes. I had no pajamas or anything else appropriate to wear for a pajama party, so I stood around awkwardly chit chatting for a while.

Then, I remembered a different avatar I had. A month ago, I was given one of Nimbus Rau’s cat avatars at An Art Show. Perhaps being a cat at a pajama party would be fun.

I quickly got into my role, worrying about being stepped on and tripping up people left and right. Some of the folks at the party were old friends. Others were people I hadn’t met before. I played the role and tripped up everyone equally. It was a fun evening as I escaped people trying to catch the cat and throw it in the pool, or do other unspeakable horrors to it. I did worry about if the cat was being too obnoxious, but everyone seemed to have fun. The protestations about the cat where in the general chat and not in backchannel IMs to me.

As the party wound down, and I wandered off, I did get one IM that caught me by surprise. One of the people I did not know there thanked me for tripping her up so much. She had had a day that sounded a lot tougher than really bad days that many people I know have from time to time. The playful distraction after the bad day was exactly what she had needed.

I spend my time thinking about the relationship between what is real and what is virtual in Second Life. Mostly, it is in terms of money and businesses. Yet the evening was a reminder of something else. The real lives of the people behind the avatars. There are good people in Second Life, struggling with their own memories, with efforts to help people in Africa or in other struggles. We can make real connections with these other people, and hopefully help them as they help us or help others.

Sarah McLachlan’s words came back to me. “I need some distraction, oh beautiful release.” Second Life can be a distraction, a beautiful release, and sometimes when the angels seem a little too far away, we can fly away in the arms of an avatar.

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Wordless Wednesday



Kim and Elizabeth, originally uploaded by Aldon.

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